How To Really Have Sex Like A Porn Star

Somewhere along the line, "porn star" seems to have become shorthand for "sexy, liberated, confident woman." We're mostly behind this usage, but sometimes it leads to articles that are just, well, weird. Take, for example, the Frisky's recent article "Five Tips For Screwing Like A Porn Star," a solid, sex-positive piece that offers up some age-old advice for getting what you want in the sack. It is all quite lovely--but has absolutely nothing to do with porn in any way.

Let's face it: the kind of sex that porn stars have (on camera, at least), is nothing like the kind of sex that you and I want to be having. Out of necessity, porn sex focuses far more on looking good than on feeling good -- a surefire recipe for bedroom disaster. We refute the Frisky's five tips (and provide video evidence from the XXX world).

. . .

1. Be Eager Send him slutty text messages, go commando—when you're ready for some action, take it!

Porn stars are, first and foremost, performers who are being paid to render a fantasy real. Sure, they should be enthusiastic (shouldn't we all be enthusiastic about our work?), but being overly eager could easily get in the way of a director's vision. Especially if your director is trying to create some bored girl porn:

Young girl is bored by getting fucked (megarotic.com)

2. Tell Him What You Want Don't be shy! Be explicit. You might worry you'll sound bossy, but it will actually be dirty talk. And what man doesn't like that?

Once again: porn is not about the wants and needs of the stars. It's about the director's vision. Sure, some movies are all about girls vocalizing their desires -- but quite a few others are about girls lying back and taking it.

Girl forced to take 2 cumshots (megarotic.com)

3. Use Your Backside Guys go crazy for the booty, so don't be afraid to show it! Sure, from your knees to your waist, there's cellulite and stretch marks, but he doesn't care- only you do! If you're already naked, you know he likes what you got and he wants all of it.

This one we can't refute. Everyone likes the ass.

nice ass shaking (megarotic.com)

4. Accessorize Just like you add earrings, belts, and necklaces to your day look, your night look could always use some accessories. From keeping your heels on, to a leather riding crop, a girl's gotta have that little eye grabbing something extra.

Right again. Porn stars are known for keeping heels on during sex. But they are kind of uncomfortable. (Even dangerous!)

High Heels Threesome (megarotic.com)

5. Take Care Of #1—Yourself Everything from your nails to your orgasm is your responsibility. If he can't handle the job, you should finish it off.

Perhaps they meant "Take Care Of #1--The Viewers At Home." Because when you're having sex like a porn star, that's the main thing that matters.

A Dream Team Blowjob: Gianna, Shyla Stylez (megarotic.com)

· The Frisky's Five Tips For Doin' It Like A Professional (thefrisky.com)
· Thumbnail from Playful Hands (fhg.playfulhands.com, via Ask Jolene)