Joining The “MILF Club”: But Can She Bake A Cherry Pie?

Way back when MILFs were invented a decade or so ago, their average age was probably closer to that of an woman who was actually old enough to have borne a hormonally active teenager. But nowadays, what with the interweb speeding up the pace of life and all, gals become MILFs at twenty-two--thereby avoiding that awkward pornic gap between barely legal teen and nondescript twentysomething that no one wants to fall into.

But what's in a name anyway? After all, "teen" is just porn shorthand for "girls who look young, even if they really happen to be old enough to drink" just as "MILF" means "women who look like they've been old enough to drink for a while." And the truth is that most older women who would have been called MILFs back in the olden days now prefer to be called "cougars", thereby drawing attention away from the fact that they are someone's mother and are instead someone's ex--preferably someone with a fat bank account who's paying enough alimony to lure in those hot young bucks.

That's why it's refreshing to see that director Anton Slayer has assembled a cast of real MILF-type women for his latest Loaded Digital release "MILF Club", thereby returning the term to its original vintage meaning. In fact, some of the footage even looks vintage--unless Slayer began shooting the movie when he was ten, or hired a stylist to plaster the walls of his set with posters of a pre-rehab Danny Bonaduce and "Magnum P.I.".

These aren't your newfangled Teagan Presley- or Britney Skye-style MILFs, not by a long shot: the women in this MILF Club really do look like they need some special "mommy time" after a hard afternoon of baking cupcakes and driving the kids to soccer practice and going to PTA meetings. In fact, they are so real-looking that with the exception of Nicole Sheridan and coverMILF Krystal Summers, we don't even recognize most of their names. Which is a good thing--wouldn't you rather spank it to ladies who really look like MILFs instead of pornstars who merely play them on TV?

• "MILF Club" (DVD info @ metrointeractive.com)