The Weekly Mindfuck: Fucking First

Every Valentine's Day, Dan Savage takes to his podcast Savage Love and recommends that couples have sex before they go out. I have several friends who take this advice every year and love the way it takes pressure off the requisite end-of-the-night V-Day romp when everyone is really full, equally tired, and often a little too buzzed to make anything happen. 

It's interesting that the sexual status quo prescribes late-night sex as the norm at all. It seems to stem somewhere from our random post-bar college sex, as we often had to go out to pick up a sexual partner in the first place. But why did it stay that way after? Why do so many adults, so many couples wait until after they've met friends out or had a big dinner or gotten sleepy from one too many glasses of wine during a Netflix binge?

Waiting until the end of the night to bone does, in effect, make it our last priority in our actions if not in our thoughts. Do all the other things the day requires, and then, when nothing is left, have sex. But from a stamina, energy, and presence standpoint, the very end of the night is almost nonsensical. Why not fuck first all the time? Why not unwind with sex after a long day at work, as part of your mental prep for whatever activities you have in store on a Friday night? 

Why not have sex while dinner is in the oven and ride the orgasmic high for the rest of the evening? While you're waiting on the pizza guy? While the kids are watching a movie or hanging with their friends? Why not go a round after you take a shower but before you put on your makeup? 

Not only does it become ritualistic, something intentional that you never miss, but it also primes you sexually and energetically - after all, no one says you can't have sex at the end of the night too.