Penis Makeup: It’s a Thing

As a female who also happens to be a bit of an insomniac, I've spent many an hour watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, because why not. I'm a little disappointed in myself, though - disappointed that another young woman had the bold, beautiful idea to turn her eyeliner into penis drawings first.  

@asialbx sooo in LOVE with your look my new everyday eye makeup pic.twitter.com/bxlP3NEPJC

— jas? (@fem_princesa) November 19, 2016

Photo courtesy of Asia Brautigam

In my melancholy, I searched the internet for more dick-related makeup ideas, and was immediately cheered by the sheer volume of creative face-enhancing strategies strewn across the web. There are so many was to cockify your faces, people! There's contouring, aptly called "hoe's contour":

There are dick-shaped lipsticks (lipdicks) and highlighters (like the Netflix and Chill palette): 

Photo via @bsccosmetics2

 And, of course, using tricks to highlight your actual dick: 

But why stop there? The world of makeup is a wonderful, limitless place of artistic possibilities. I have a few other ideas I'd like to throw into the hat, lest I miss the boat entirely: 

1. Bring the frat party prank back en vogue: Tattoo actual dicks on your face!  

Not only will this make a definitive statement, it also means you won't have to wake up every day and free hand yet another set of balls.  

2. Transform the apples of your cheeks into a ballin' piece of artwork.

I mean that literally. Draw actual balls on your cheeks, complete with tiny hairs. This transforms your entire face into...not a face. 

3. Have you seen the Little Dude's artwork? Follow suit!

Have someone dip their penis in your makeup and use it as a beauty blender to apply your makeup. 

4. Applying primer is an important part of your makeup routine. Why not use semen?

It's kinda sticky, dries matte, and is good for the skin. Not a bad idea, eh?  

5. And finally, style your hair like a penis. 

A polished looks goes beyond the face. 

Photo via the depths of Google