Sex Factor Episode 4 Review: Everyone Should Be Like Donnie

June 9, 2016
COLETTE-CALLAWAY

If you don't watch this show, let me paint a picture for you: This chill-as-fuck shaggy haired dude named Donnie has been relatively on the fringes of this show. He's attractive but not alarming so, and he's very likable though perhaps not terribly engaging—AKA, not great material for most reality shows.

Until now.

This episode of The Sex Factor, the judges removed themselves from the scene room partially so the dudes might have a better chance at getting (and staying) hard, but also for ~added drama~ that would make for a juicier episode. And drama there was (particularly at the end, but we'll get to that), but not from Donnie. His scene partner was Khaya, and though the judges were watching them bone from a set of monitors, he spent some time jerking off in the bathroom beforehand and was ready to rock. And when I say ready to rock, I mean he was rock hard. Ready to rock hard? I don't know.

Donnie is just being his chill, smiling self, but when the action begins and Khaya goes down on him, he turns into some kind of sex god—complete with the way he angles his body, holds Khaya's hair, and throws her onto the bed. The facial he delivers at the end would have been enough, but no, Donnie also stayed hard enough to fuck her again. And during round two, Khaya squirted.

And afterward, Donnie is just like, "LOL, yeah, that was fun," and grins. This dude is a wild card, except with a rock hard superpenis.

This episode sadly did not go as well for the other contestants. Allie and Johnny shot together, and though that pairing has epic implications for normal people sex, Johnny could just not get it up. Le sigh. Allie's purple hair is now gone, though, and Holly Randall was very excited about her Hustler shoot. Hooray for versatility!

The REAL drama unfolded at the end with Adrian and Buddy, though. Buddy was all, "One time before this show I hooked up with Adrian and she was the worst fuck everrrrrrrrrrrr," and Adrian was like, "Is there a reason you said that on the show?" right when the scene was starting, and so instead of having sex, they were shit talking while Buddy was awkwardly rubbing her crotch. This was a new dynamic for me, and I have experienced hate sex in my personal life. Lexi Belle and Tori Black come in to save the day, and Tori absolutely slays by telling them they're being unprofessional and whiney. Have I mentioned these judges are amazing?

Anyways, so here's the takeaway: Be like Donnie. Donnie chills out, doesn't sling around insults, and does the sex. These are important life lessons.