Make Your Life More Awesome with Meditative Masturbation

I'll be real with you guys—the idea for this post, much like the idea for many of the things I write here, came from my personal life. See, I like to begin each day in one of two ways: by meditating or getting off. I would do both, but that takes far too long and it's incredibly unlikely I'll get up earlier than I already do to achieve that kind of bliss. I was laying in bed the other morning, trying to decide which one I wanted to do, and I thought to myself: Woah. I bet you can do both at the same time. 

Not me, as it were. 

To be clear, necessity may be the mother of invention, but I did not invent this. Common sense informed that this was probably a thing that's existed for thousands of years. A quick Google search proved that to be true—initially a Taoist practice, meditative masturbation is essentially the practice of using deep breathing, relaxation, and mindfulness while you get your rocks off. I repeat: This means clearing your mind and also having an orgasm. This was enough to get me on board, of course, but the benefits are even more extensive. For women, this practice can make orgasming during sex easier, and all genders can use the concept to have a more fulfilling and present sex life when they're with a partner. Let's recap—meditative masturbation can: 

• Get you off. Duh. 
• Make you feel calmer and more centered.
• Teach you how to make yourself cum without the use of a fantasy or visual stimulus.
• Teach you more about what specifically makes your junk feel good. 
• Make orgasming easier during sex (especially relevant for women).
• Make lasting longer easier during sex (especially relevant for men).

This is also poetic, in a sense—you're exploring your internal and external self at the same time, which is some yin and yang shit. The reason it translates so well to sex with a partner? Because the mindfulness it teaches is the difference between becoming wholly absorbed in the moment you're experiencing and anticipating or worrying about the next one. I've been meditating for awhile now, so after doing the obligatory research on the matter, I've come up with an Ultra Simple Meditative Masturbation How-To for Beginners. (Basically, I took out all the bullshit, like scented candles and monsoon jungle sounds in the background.) 

Let's do this. 

Get comfy

If you just woke up and are laying in bed, you're already there. Congratulations. 

Start by counting your breaths

This is meditation 101. Pay attention to how the air feels coming in an out of your nose, diaphragm, and lungs, and count them if it helps you stay focused. No worries if you start thinking about what you're going to make for breakfast or how hot your neighbor is. Just redirect your thoughts to your breaths.

Grab some lube  

Or spit is fine, I don't know your life. The point is that for both men and women, stimulation usually feels a lot better when it's wetter. I apologize for quoting The Little Mermaid yet again. 

Operation: Masturbation

Start touching yourself the way you normally would, except this time, pay attention to the sensations. Don't put on any porn, and don't fantasize about said hot neighbor. It's difficult the first few times you try (trust me), but the goal here is to be completely present. Consider what your hands or fingers feel like and where they make pleasure spread. What does that pleasure feel like? What sides of your clit, vulva, dick, balls, taint (?), whatever feels better when you touch it? How does a circular motion make them feel, and how does a faster straight-up-and-down-motion feel like? You get the idea.

Once again, don't worry if your mind drifts—just keep directing your thoughts back to your body. The more you meditate, the less your mind will drift. One note here: There are no rules to masturbation, but to glean the most benefits from this in your sex life (once again, particularly for women), it's a good idea to stick to your hands and save the sex toys for later. 

Check in with your breathing

To make sure you're getting the most physical benefits from this exercise, keep checking in with your breathing to make sure you're getting in deep, rhythmic breaths. This helps your body relax as well which is—surprise!—good for your sex life.  

Don't worry about the orgasm—unless you want to

The meditative part of this kind of meditation isn't about having an orgasm, so don't focus on working toward one while you're doing it—just focus on what feels good. After you're done getting in the zone, feel free to get yourself off however you want to. I know I do. 

So how long should this meditation thingy last? Most experts suggest 15-30 minutes. It's great for getting fully submerged in The Zone, but for guys who struggle with lasting more than a few minutes in bed, this can be a huge help. Once you feel like you're about to cum, scale back for a bit, and keep this ebb and flow up until your time is done. If you want to get ultra Tao, you can even teach yourself to cum without ejaculating, but that one's up to you. 

Stick to it

As I said, meditation can be really difficult and frustrating at first, and it takes awhile to glean any of the perks, so make it a part of your daily routine. Your sex life (and your partners) will thank you.