“Netflix and Chill,” Now at the Push of a Button

It dims your lights. It silences your phone. It can select your show. It orders food. That's right, ladies and gentleman—Netflix finally made all of our most Tinderific Tinder dreams come true with something called "The Switch." For those unfamiliar with the concept of "Netflix and Chill," let me let Urban Dictionary enlighten you: 

So yeah, a button that would turn off your lights, pick whatever-fucking-show-I-don't-really-care, make sure your stupid Spongebob Squarepants ringtone isn't going to kill your boner when your mom decides to call about your dry cleaning, and then order you post-sex pizza would be pretty convenient, I guess. 

The only caveat? You have to program it yourself, and there are a lot of words I don't understand in the instructions: "Particle Cloud's publish-subscribe capabilities." "Configuration data." "Lithium-ion polymer." Or, you know, all of Step 4, which is titled, "Set Up the Application Server." Good things I have friends who know how to Technology. (According to these friends, you can make this switch do all types of things, like play nothing but episodes of "American Dad" and reheat your pizza, but if I try to rehash that conversation I will undoubtedly butcher it.) 

The only thing this fancy sex button can't do is actually strip you of your clothing, but come on, guys, whatever happened to foreplay?