Want to See Miss USA’s US Ass?

This year's Miss USA pageant has been marred by the unfiltered and unsolicited thoughts of pageant co-owner Donald Trump, a man who we apparently all just noticed is a terrible person who says terrible things. But even his blabbermouth bullshit can't distract from the fact that this year's winner Olivia Jordan is super hot and has a great ass that she just showed on camera less than a year ago!

Last night I was sitting at home washing my ferret...

When I decided to flip over to the Miss USA pageant, and when I saw Olivia Jordan, I was all like, "Hey ferret, how'd you get all dirty again?" And he's all like, "I don't know, clean me again bitch!"

So then I'm all like, "Oh yeah, she was on Murder in the First last year and showed her ass while fucking Draco Malfoy," and then my ferret's all like, "Hey, did you know that he's like the poster child for why you shouldn't give child actors money? He burned through that shit with a Nicolas Cage-esque mismanaging of funds."

Suddenly I remembered that not only do I not own a ferret, I'm also now being told that this year's Miss USA Pageant was not actually aired on television because all of a sudden a blowhard like Trump is bad for business. Did I imagine that she showed her ass on Murder in the First as well? No? Thank goodness, let's take a look...

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Man, I've gotta go wash my ferret again.

Good luck Olivia, I'm sure you'll be able to fulfill all the duties required of you.