Selena Gomez is So Hot it Makes Me Angry

Damn it, Selena Gomez is hot. To be honest, Gomez is so unbelievably attractive, it makes me kind of angry. I’m not going to start throwing chairs or anything, but I’m actually mad that there is someone as hot as her roaming the earth.  

Gomez, who is another grown-up hottie that got her start on that educational program with the purple dinosaur, hit a beach in Los Angeles sporting a purple, white, and orange flower patterned two-piece. Though this bikini is less risqué than the one Gomez wore throughout the film Spring Breakers, it is still pretty damn hot. See, there I go, getting mad again at her hotness. Gomez is doing her best to remind us she’s not that little Disney Channel star anymore. She’s an adult. An extremely hot adult. Damn it. I need to take a minute, maybe count to 10… There, all better.  

I guess what angers me the most about Gomez and her hotness is that it is wasted on a douche like Justin Bieber. Really, Selena, that guy? The guy who thinks sounding like a dumbass and throwing eggs at someone’s house makes him the toughest gangster since Al Capone, or whomever the Canadian version of Al Capone is. All I’m saying is Gomez can have anyone else on the planet. And that person will love and honor her beauty. I promise you that.