Don't listen to the prudes when they tell you people didn't do things like that in their day. Humanity has enjoyed a nice bit of filth from the beginning of its very existence. Artifacts from as far back as the stone age (2000BC and earlier) have been recovered by archaeologists, and although they can't always say for sure what those objects were used for, one might hazard a guess. What would you suggest?
This mysterious 'implement' is 30,000 years old.
Babylonians (1800s BC) have been recorded as having dildos made of dried camel dung sealed with resin; and elsewhere around the time women were known to wank with the calf muscle of a reindeer or a cat's paw. Because you know, what else would you do with them?
The ancient Greeks (500BC) had wooden and leather dildos, which they lubricated with olive oil. You can see their use illustrated on pottery and other drawings. From a play of the time comes the line: "I beg you, don't lie dear Corrioto: who was the man who stitched for you this bright red dildo?"
"Would you like some water from my dildo jug?"
Greek mythology also spoke of the god Priapus, who watched over livestock, fruit, gardens and uh, penises; presumably so-grouped because they all engender fertility and fruitfulness. The word 'priapism' is used now to describe a persistent, painful state of erection (it's no joke, kids). The Romans adopted Priapus into their mythology and would observe a custom in his honour whereby a bride would be penetrated by a dildo to rid her of virginity (and break her hymen), which was thought to encourage the likelihood of bearing children.
Penis extension devices of wood, leather or metal appear in the kama sutra (400BC-200AD) though it also suggests an alternative way to increase cock size is to deliberately be stung by water parasites until swollen. So your options are open there.
Ben Wa balls appeared around the year 500 and geisha used them to stimulate the penis during a fucking session (apparently vaginas weren't enough) and to help strengthen the pussy muscles.
In China and Japan, there is evidence of cock rings around 1200-1300 AD made from jade, ivory, wood and in the first instances - goat eyelids. Yum.
Chinese cock ring, jade double ender and ornately carved Japanese ivory dildo
The word 'dildo' came into usage in the 1600s and is thought to be based on the Latin 'dilatare' (to open wide), or perhaps from the Italian 'diletto' (to delight).
Dildos from the 1700s: lacquered wooden pair sold in Essex, UK for £3,600; Japanese tortoiseshell and French ivory with squirting ability
Rubber dildos came into being in the industrial age, and shortly after that with the introduction of electricity, the vibrator; which doctors used to cure women of 'hysteria', the vague and mysterious female malady.
One of the original fucking machines - steam powered.
Vibrators became affordable to the more well-off populace, and were coyly advertised as 'good for the circulation' and for treating 'muscular strains'.
"Aah, I feel so much better now I've rubbed this vibrating phallus over my... shoulders."
In the 1920s though, vibrators started to appear in early porn films, and so such blatant advertising swiftly dwindled as infamy grew among respectable consumers, though demand continued.
Latex was invented in the 30s, which allowed greater experimentation with sex toy manufacture including fuckable dolls. By the 1990s, toys made from silicone became available, and Sex and the City made the Rabbit the chosen fuckstick of the masses.
Want a peek at some historic toys? San Francisco has the Antique Vibrator Museum or there's the Sex Machines Museum in Prague… sex museums of a more general nature exist all over the world too.
What's the future of sex toys? Coming soon, to a Fleshbot post near you… and if in the meantime you'd like to take a look at some of the scary detours taken by the sex toy industry on the way, have a look at this.
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