Sex Calculator Measures How Many Calories You Burn When Banging

They say fucking will burn off fat, but where's the proof, you say. There's an app for that. Well, there's a calculator.

Nerve reports (link below), "a UK online pharmacy (do you not get all your health and wellness information from UK online pharmacies?) has created a 'Sex Calculator,' which lets you enter the specifics of your (penetrative-only) romp and get what appears to be a very accurate count of calories burned. And by 'very accurate,' I mean 'has decimal places.' According to their metrics, for example, a 'more cushion for the pushing' woman having 'slow and tender' sex for between 16 and 29 minutes burns 73.63125 calories for the pleasure. A 'slim jim' man having 'fun and frisky' doggy-style sex for 10 minutes apparently burns 51.87 calories. Is this true? Maybe! You can bizarrely share your results on Facebook, though, so there's that."

You'll never go to the gym again, and if you do they'll probably throw you out for having sex on the treadmill (please don't try this at home or at the gym).

The only problem with this is if sex becomes too practical, like only for exercise, then we fear a real risk of losing the illicit charms of the act. Sex shouldn't have any other purpose than getting off, as wildly as possible.

Via Nerve