Leave Some Rump For The Rest Of Us, “Rump Raiders 4”

We like rumps, but we're not professional raiders, and we're finding it harder and harder to get rumps casually. Worse, there are raiders out there who horde rumps and try to scalp for huge profits. This cannot go on. Rumps may soon go the way of the American Bison.

That is to say, you'll never see rumps again until one day you go to a nice burger restaurant and notice they have rump on the menu next to wild boar and ostrich at market prices.

We ask the porn-viewing community: does one man need to raid two rumps at once? Sheena Shaw and Veronica Avluv are individually divine, and we don't understand what kind of man would need to bang both babes at the same time? We think it's Manuel Ferrara, but that's only based on his penis (we can't see his face, but we're relatively sure we recognize his unique dong). We know those ladies excel at teamwork, and having both gals in the mix makes sure that no anus goes unloved at any moment, but stacking Sheena on top of Veronica is more aesthetically pleasing than it is efficient. This is like buying caviar and putting it in the blender with Dom Perignon: we get it, you're decadent, but you're wasteful.

At least Mr. Pete knows how to savor a rump. He gets Megan Vaughn, he appreciates Megan Vaughn, and he uses every part of her. Pussy, mouth, ass: they make a pleasing medley for Pete's member. One could say that Megan doesn't use enough of Mr. Pete, for she only takes advantage of his penis, so maybe this isn't the perfect shining example of rump and raider symbiosis, but we know such a relationship is possible. We must find the most harmonious way to coexist with the rump and help it flourish.

"Rump Raiders 4" doesn't provide us with answers, but it is a reminder that we need to do right by our resources. America is the land of the fat ass, and we need to keep it that way, not just for ourselves, but for future generations. And for the buffalo.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Rump Raiders 4" (store.fleshbot.com)