Why Doesn’t Our Healthcare Cover “Sexual Healing”?

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Maybe yours does, but ours (Freelancer's Insurance, because we're all freelancers here) doesn't. For the kind of industry we work in, we desperately need it! What if we wake up one day and we feel psychosomatically blocked from any form of arousal? How are we supposed to write about porn if we can't empathize with the action we watch on the screen?

Don't worry! We already feel that way and we keep on truckin'. We're slutty Stakhanovites. (Maybe "Fuckhanovites" works better?)

Anyway, in the perfect world, we'd have access to sex therapist Stoya's services, but we do not. She's having trouble in her own life; her man James Deen can't get it up, and roomie Jynx Maze can't stop having sex with random strangers. On top of that, her clients are all either shapeless blogs of sexual self-loathing or so fuck-hungry they can't focus. It's not easy being Stoya!

But there is hope over the horizon! Dillion Harper is close to divorcing hubby Richie Calhoun, but a little therapy from Stoya gives Richie the confidence to get rock hard and bang his beau on the kitchen counter. For the record, we're pretty sure that's Stoya's kitchen counter. Perhaps all these two needed was a fetish to share, and that fetish is screw on surfaces where other people prepare food. Months after this movie takes place, Richie and Dillion will be arrested for fucking on the set of "Top Chef."

Stoya, in pursuit of a way to help James get his penis engorged with blood, talks with Johnny Sins about erectile dysfunction. He says that he used to suffer from ED as well, but once he realized how to manage his stress and anxiety, he's been able to pop boners left and right. To prove he's not lying, he puts Stoya's hand on his crotch and lets her learn his stiffness through his slacks. Being a professional, she wants to instill positive reinforcement behind his boner, so she fucks Johnny right there in the living room.

Eventually, James learns to dispel his stress, but we don't know how. All we know is that he's found his groove again, and with it, he's wedging his wang in Stoya's asshole. Perhaps that's the true answer to solving ED! Anal sex! Or at least the promise of it? It has to be better than Viagra and Cialis; one makes your vision blue and the other isn't very reliable. And then there's Caverject (don't get us started on that one).

"Sexual Healing" reminds us that a healthy sex life is always within our reach, and more importantly, that it's OK to struggle with your own erotic drives. Well, actually, the girls tend to berate the dudes for their limp dicks, but eventually the guys get laid, so we guess everything is fine.

· Photos and trailer courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Sexual Healing" (store.fleshbot.com)