“Disconnected”: Lose The Wi-Fi, Gain A Wifey

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You ever been at dinner with a group of friends and nobody can keep their hands off their fucking cell phones? It's called the present, people: live in it. Times like that, we wish the towers would go down and everybody would have to deal with humans. There would be anarchy at first, but eventually, much screwing.

And that's pretty much what goes down with Kayden Kross and all her friends when they leave the comfortable data blanket of the big city behind and spend some time in the great outdoors! When their computers and cell phones can't find any signal to tether them to civilization, they realize there's only one thing they can do.

No, not sex. They make little tinfoil hats! The sex comes later, once they're truly crushed by their isolation.

Eventually, they come to the conclusion that all trapped and attractive people (who have food and fresh water) arrive at, and they start pairing off and pounding pussy. Lily Carter and Michael Vegas find a pool table and try to shoot a few rounds, but when it becomes clear that neither of them know how to play, they ditch the sticks and Lily starts slobbering on Michael's balls. We can tell that this is a serious fuck session of wild abandon because Lily puts her cowboy boots on the felt and that is something you do not do to someone's else's table.

A quick browse through these pictures reveals that every single woman is wearing cowboy boots. We wonder: do these gals plan on hiking at all? Because if so, they're soles are going to be quite damaged. The only girl we give props to is Anikka Albrite because she's wearing some motherfucking hiking socks! Yeah! We have nothing else to say about her scene besides that.

Kayden Kross finds Giovanni Francisco trying his luck with cell service in his tent, because apparently he didn't get the memo that everybody has given up and started banging each other. It's no fun being left out, so Kayden gets naked and spreads her thighs wide on Giovanni's sleeping bag. Let us tell you right now: there is nothing quite like the feeling of flesh on flesh on a slippery yet cozy high-quality sleeping bag. It's stain resistant, it won't leave lumps under your back, and Kayden can put her God blessed cowboy boots all over it.

Do you think "Disconnected" isn't really about cell phones, but about the concept that meaningless sex can isolate bodies from each other even during the act of joining them, leaving us both emotionally and physically exhausted? Nah.

· Photos and trailer courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
· Buy "Disconnected" (store.fleshbot.com)