Netflix Picks: The Battle Of Lady Chatterley

October 17, 2012
OTTIMO-MASSIMO

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"Lady Chatterley's Lover" is a novel by D.H. Lawrence about an upper class woman, Constance, feeling distant from her cold, intellectual husband and engaging in an affair with their gardener. It's a classic, it's racy, it faced censorship from governments all over the world, and it makes for great movies with superb balance of romance and raunch.

We realize you might not want to watch two Lady Chatterley movies back to back, but we wanted to compare the softcore factor in two different adaptations--one from 1981, the other from 2006--just in case you need to pick a favorite. Let's say, for example, your significant other wants to have a snuggly movie night on the couch, and wants to watch a romantic story, and you want to show the hottest one in the hopes it will inspire a move to the bedroom. After this, you'll be totally prepared to pick a version! We're all about preparedness here.

1. Lady Chatterley's Lover: Since the story is more or less the same in both films--restless wife, unsexy husband, low class gardener with all the right moves--we'll skip the plot run down and get to the naughty biz. In this film, Constance Chatterley is played by Sylvia Kristel, a Dutch actress/model/singer who rose to fame after appearing as the titular character in the softcore "Emmanuelle," which is still one of the most successful French films ever made. Her sexual side comes out in this movie rather early on, around the twenty-five minute mark, when she undresses in front of the mirror and starts touching herself as she fantasizes about the gardener, Oliver Mellors (played by Nicholas Clay). Their courtship--rather, their mutual chase--is drawn out over the rest of the film, and this builds the tension to a nearly painful point before Constance finally gets Oliver in her bedroom. You'd think the cathartic sex would be the end of the triumphant and titillating visuals, but no, there's still more! There's dancing in the rain, full frontal nudity with flowers, and still more fucking. Romance porn can learn a lot from this film! Look for Sylvia's sweet bod at 25:00, 1:14:00, 1:19:00, 1:20:00, and 1:23:00.

2. Lady Chatterley: Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times called this adaptation "The most frankly sensual movie in memory." That's quite the strong endorsement! This movie isn't actually based on the original D.H. Lawrence novel, it's based on the follow-up "John Thomas and Lady Jane," an alternate and less-known version of the former, but it still has all the proper fixings. Marina Hands plays Constance, and her performance won her best actress at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival. Anyway, enough about the praise and whatnot; how's the nudity? In a word: bangin'. There are fewer instances of nudity in this one, but they involve similar imagery. Marina undresses in the front of the mirror, she and her lover frolic through the wet woods before screwing in the mud, and the gardener even puts a flower in her fur! Look for these moments at 11:00, 2:04:00, and 2:07:00. Hmm, this doesn't really settle which is better, does it? Oh well. We guess you'll simply have to watch both!