“Sexual Gymnastics”: Damn, Girl, Your Hamstrings Are Bangin’

This is for all those times you went to yoga class, got through five minutes of stretching, and then had to excuse yourself because your sweatpants couldn't hide your hard-on. Now you can sit at home, watch females get their flex on, and appreciate the fact that you can't spell "gymnast" without "nasty."

The back of the box assures us that, "Your mind and your cock will be blown when these girls show you what their bodies can do!" We understand what "your cock will be blown" means, but we still object to the image that it produces. Can't they just say, "Your cock will have an epiphany and then ejaculate!" instead? Let's say what we mean from now on.

Does Lea Lexis really need to bend over backwards to blow Xander Corvus? Signs point to yes, but we don't want the girl to get tired out, especially when she's got such a long routine to perform. There's a couch right next to her, but she would rather let Xander catch her body mid-handspring and fuck her tight pussy while her spine cracks--there must be an extra endorphin rush in it. Xander needs to be more active here; it's like a ballet performance and he's just standing there (typical ballerino). At least he provides a nice hard cock for her to dismount upon! (Repeatedly!)

Whenever we think of Sensi Pearl, we think of marijuana (go ahead, Google it, we'll be here when you get back), but from now on, we're going to think of her malleability. Do you think door frames are sexy? No? Well Sensi shows us that all she needs is a good frame to get her fuck on; she puts one heel to heaven and gives Danny Mountain easy access to her sweet pussy, all without breaking a sweat. Heck, she can grip the doorway with her toes while being fucked from below! Not only is this plainly impressive, but it's very good practice for any Californian concerned about earthquake safety.

Courtney Taylor's big thing is locking her ankles together behind her head. You might think, "Oh, whatever, lots of pornstars can do that," and we agree with you, but listen: Courtney is really good at it. Her fat ass, juicy pussy, and long legs make her look like some tasty little pot pie just waiting to be devoured, and that's exactly what Mark Ashley does. Well, he actually sticks his dick in her, but whatever, everybody eats differently.

"Sexual Gymnastics" is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, but this movie is one that truly deserves it; these flexy females will make you feel stiff in more ways than one.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

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