“Next Friday Night” Gets A Goofy Porn Party Started

I won't even lie to you guys. I had no idea this "Next Friday Night" is a XXX comedy version of Katy Perry's video for "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" until I did some digging. Why? Because the only time I hear Katy Perry is at the gym. Sue me! Once I watched the video, of course, it all became clear. The braces, the headgear, the bangs, and the dweeby but loyal best friend -- even the extra silly fantasies of knights and swords are more or less all in "Next Friday Night." Of course, "Next Friday Night" doesn't have Hanson, Kenny G., Corey Feldman, or Debbie Gibson in its cast. Oh, hell no. But there is a lot of banging, so there's that.

Alektra Blue stars as Betty, the nerdy spaz who's super hot behind those glasses and headgear and braces. One of the popular girls in her class, played by Nikki Delano, is caught bonking her BF (Marco Rivera) and can't have her big graduation party, so she and her bitchy cohort (Kaylani Lei) scheme to have Betty throw it instead. Although Betty's painfully dorky best friend Dexter (Seth Gamble) tries to set her straight, she's not having it. It's her big chance with the hot popular meathead Ricky (Bill Bailey), so naturally, hormones win out over common sense as per the grand tradition of teen comedies everywhere.

It's a simple plot but just enough to ease in anyone who isn't comfy with wall-to-wall fucking, and it's actually kind of funny. I didn't chuckle or anything, but I thought to myself, "Hey, Alektra Blue is pretty funny!" Once I watched the Katy Perry video, it was apparent that her imitation was pretty good, too. The sex scenes are fairly typical, although there is more making out. The cast also uses condoms, a touchy topic that is way more complicated than I can or would be able to address here, but I dug it. More on that in the pros section of this review…

The first scene is with Rivera and Delano. There's lots of making out before the couple goes through a number of positions; like most of the scenes in "Next Friday Night," it didn't really push my buttons but it could definitely appeal to a heterosexual couple. Rivera is good-looking and Delano has the typical blonde-and-boobs porn combo. It's a good mix of cheesy couples porn and actually hardcore sex.

The next scene is the aforementioned Snow White fantasy with Ricky and Betty. As with the first scene, it's pretty straight-forward, but Alektra is both funny and hot -- she starts off the scene by taking off her headgear before getting down to business and definitely plays up the dorky girl going wild. Again, it's a het-couple pleasing mix of romantic stuff like making out and slowly disrobing and lacy underwear mixed with porn star ballin'. Bailey is a typically good-looking guy who manages to look like a jock and a porn dude in a way that will not be too intimidating for the dudes but will interest the ladies. Alektra is definitely the most interesting performer of the bunch and seems the most into her scenes; she's hot and she's got some personality and a sense of humor, which works in her favor for these pretty straight-up scenes.

Once the party gets started, the other partygoers have their chance to get their freak on, but unfortunately it's not all that freaky. The girl-girl scene with Stevie Shae and Tiffany Tyler has all the hallmarks of two female performers who really aren't that into girls, down to Stevie's French-tipped fingernails. Both performers seem scared or reluctant to actually put their faces in each others' pussies and go to town; instead, they hover in the area and lick. While I understand these moves are more for the viewer, that doesn't mean the viewer necessarily enjoys it. I'd rather see someone get off even if I don't get an up close and personal view of someone licking her clit.

Next up is a threesome with director Barrett Blade, Kaylani Lei, and Brendon Miller. Kaylani seems into it, although the guys in their fright wigs are pretty ridiculous. They're not gross or anything, but they definitely don't bring the sexy in the same way Kaylani does. Band groupie, creepy van, etc.

The final scene with Alektra and Seth Gamble is the best in the movie. Dexter confesses his lurve for Betty, and they fuck in her childhood bed while a giant teddy bear looks on until it's unceremoniously kicked off the best. (As it should be. I mean, really.) Seth is a good-looking guy, but unfortunately he keeps his Dexter collar on and his weird braceface overbite is in full effect. Still, they have some chemistry, which is made more explicit in the bonus sex scene from their movie together Breaking Up.

This little DVD extra is probably the hottest of them all, although it's not technically part of the movie. It's a little bit more hardcore, but it's also more believable without the dorky get-ups. There's way more oral sex for her, and although it's still fairly performative -- yes, we see you are licking! Good job, Seth! -- Alektra seems to be genuinely getting off, or at least moreso than in "Next Friday Night." Of course, the vibe of a comedy XXX is way different than something like Breaking Up, but it's very interesting to compare the two.

Why this porn is good for straight girls:

It's silly. Alektra isn't afraid to fake a pratfall or contort her face around headgear, and in one particularly ridiculous scene, Bill Bailey tries to sweet talk a houseplant.

It's pretty vanilla. There's a little bit of cock-choking and face-slapping, but except for the threesome, the come shots aren't facials. The dirty talk is also fairly tame. While I prefer things to be a little dirtier, it's good to know what you like to watch and enter into your porn-enjoyment fun times with the knowledge that you'll like what you see or that you can avoid what turns you off.

It's full of condoms. As I said, the topic of condoms in porn is a thorny one, but seeing them onscreen shows that safer sex can be sexy sex.

It's full of good-looking guys. Sure, they're playing dumb jocks or super nerds, but they're still not the yucky stars of yore. They're there for your viewing pleasure as well.

Why this porn might not be so good for straight girls:

The emphasis is definitely not on the female performers' pleasure. While orgasm isn't the be-all, end-all of sex -- and there are plenty of types of sex, not just P in the V kinds -- I hope to see all of the performers get off, not just the dudes.

There's a noticeable lack of body types. Not hot.

· Buy "Next Friday Night" (store.fleshbot.com)

*****

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive