Slow And Slurpy Wins The Race

We always feel the need to comment on a gloriously slow blowjob. We're not saying speed is stupid—if anything, we advocate playing around with pace—but crawling beats sprinting every time. Oh, eye contact, too!

We're not alone in this logic, right? Last time we checked, most people enjoyed their oral sex slow with lots of lingering licks and whatnot, but if there's been a movement to put on some happy hardcore jams and work your neck to 300 BPM. We're not hopping on that bandwagon. If anything, we're going to sit back with some codeine and make Chopped and Screwed versions of all our favorite porn films.

· Punked in the Mouth (pornhub.com)