Oh Snap, It’s National Masturbation Month!

Dear readers, Happy Masturbation Month! It's not like you need an excuse to fap it, but it's nice to know that your manual manipulation habits are season appropriate. Anyhow, we thought we'd help you out with a quick list of our favorite masturbation aids!

If we may take a moment to press the importance of this month, we'd like to talk about the spirit of all this magical Maysturbation. Every time you wank it—and this goes for any month of the year, even on leap years—you're sending positive orgasmic vibes into the universe and making yourself healthier and happier. But this month, we'd like you to think about how necessary masturbation is for keeping civilization afloat practicing safe sex. Good Vibrations invented National Masturbation Month in 1995 as a response to the firing of U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders, who, in 1994, made a controversial statement suggesting that masturbation should be part of sex education. So when you're sticking it to yourself this month, you're also sticking it to the Clinton administration's tightwad attitude.

Anyway, let's get down to the good stuff...

Gadgets For Your Gizmo: Now is a good time to buy those fancy sex toys they're always talking about on the Fleshbot. For the females, we highly suggest getting the new Form 4 from JimmyJane. It may not look like much, but it's got all the right curves coupled with a strong motor; frankly, JimmyJane never disappoints. If you're looking for something a little more subtle, try Lelo's Mia: a USB powered vibrator that fits in the palm of your hand. For the gents, we once again have to give it up for Tenga. Both the Tenga Flip Hole and the FLIP AIR (all caps, every time) would make absolutely decadent additions to your sex toy stash, and we can't recommend them strongly enough. Lastly, both boys and girls can enjoy Good Vibration's "Up the Chimney" Gift Kit, two charming silicone butt toys and a bottle of lube. Why not engage your final frontier this month? Do it for Dr. Elders.

Beauty Is In the Eye of the Be-horny: You need porn? We got your porn right here. In terms of parody porn (which, despite our anguish, is still all the rage), we've recently enjoyed "The Official Californication Parody," "Pron," and "Top Guns." These three movies represent the height of wit, budget, and boobs in the adult parody world today, and we feel they deserve some saluting. "Pron" director Lee Roy Myers always deserves a salute. If you'd like to learn something new this holiday season, you should give "Gush" a gander, and learn all about the finer points of g-spot stimulation, female ejaculation, and how gosh darn hot Dylan Ryan is. Speaking of gushing, we just raved about Elegant Angel's "Gangbanged" starring Lisa Ann and Bobbi Starr; it's quite hardcore. As always, there are suggestions and pornstar praises in our (somewhat) weekly Fleshbot's Friday Five articles, and you can always work up a decent self-lather with our massive collection of Flesh Flicks.

Erotic Readables: Some people think that naughty things are best written down and printed because it gives them an air of permanence. We just think words are sexy. Regardless, you should check out Madison Ava Jones's American Taboo because this little sample we posted was damn steamy. Actually, we've posted a big ol' number of steamy short stories and erotic excerpts written by a wide range of bloggers, and you can find them all on our True Sex Stories page. Literotica is nifty if you're looking for a more laser-guided approach to finding your fetish. Oh, and if you don't care for words but still want a thing made of paper, we suggest grabbing "Fetish Goddess Dita," a book of rare and unpublished pics of Dita Von Teese.

One Is Not The Loneliest Number: It wouldn't be National Masturbation Month without the annual Masturbate-a-Thons hosted in San Francisco, Portland, and London! Compared with last year, there doesn't seem to be as much pomp about the event this year, but it's still going to be nasty, safe, and all kinds of sexy. If you happen to be in San Francisco on the 21st and 22nd of this month, you should check out the Center for Sex and Culture! Here are some pics from last year's Masturbate-a-Thon to get you inspired. Hey, we just realized that the first day of the Masturbate-a-Thon takes place on the date when the Rapture is scheduled. Well that ought to be fun! Merry May, everyone.

· Thumbnail via Explicite Art (galleries.rebootcash.net)