Ay (Am Not So Sure), Papi: “No Hablo Ingles”

If Hollywood broadens our horizons by making gay men straight action heroes, straight women the stars of lesbian dramas, and Pauly Shore a household name (at least in Fleshbot's household), we can forgive "No Hablo Ingles" for being mostly non-Spanish-speaking.

Don't get us wrong; we understand that porn is all about the fantasy, that our stripper is not working her way through college, that swallowing is the first thing on her mind, that the low credit score us would get far fewer blowjobs than the higher credit score us, and that AVN and XBiz awards bestow prestige, but Jesu Cristo Superestrella, some of these girls are as Spanish as that plate of haggis the Highlander brought by before the Quickening.

"No Hablo Ingles" is a 2-disc compilation featuring absolutely no women saying "Ay Papi!" or cooking tortillas for their God-fearing, brutish, farmhand husbands. A full 90 percent of the transactions undertaken by the likes of Veronique Vega, Eva Angelina, Shy Love, Mikayla, Jenny Hendrix (??!) and a handful more are conducted in good old-fashioned English.

But don't sweat it, pinche buey: a boca is still a boca.

· Diabolic (diabolic.com)
· Buy "No Hablo Ingles" (gamelink.com)