“Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Oprah”: The Good, The Bad, And The Sexy

On February 1, yet another celebrity porn parody that no one was actually asking for hits the streets. But unlike "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Jesse James," this take on Oprah might actually be worth watching. Or not. Let's discuss!

Firstly, we should mention that—as the movie has not been released yet—we have not actually seen the film, and all of the following comments are merely based on what's been revealed in press releases. That said, here's The Good:

There will be black on black sex. We know, you're probably thinking, "Of course there's going to be black on black sex! How could you make an Oprah porn without an Oprah/Gayle sex scene?" Well, that would be the logical assumption, yes—but porn companies have an astounding capability for working around logical assumptions when they see fit. Would you have thought that a porno "Cosby Show" would be an interracial porn? Probably not! But someone sure did...

So, yes, we do have to commend Hustler for acting against some of their more racist instincts, and not having Oprah ditch Gayle for some pretty white girl (or some other fantastical thing). Also? Oprah and Gayle (or Misty Stone and Bella Moretti, for the curious) have a threeway with Latino stud Carlo Carrera, who we can only assume is playing a sexed up Stedman.

That said, while Hustler seems to magically be handling race in an appropriate manner, there's a certain other issue that wasn't dealt with in quite as delicate a manner. Which brings us to The Bad:

There's a fat suit involved. Were you wondering how the svelte Misty Stone was going to play the notoriously zaftig Oprah? Well, according to Stone, "first they put me in a fat suit, but then I take a diet pill that slims me down, but the catch is it has one particular side effect: it make me REALLY horny." Of course it does. Now, it would take us ages to parse through everything problematic with that statement, so we'll just cut to the chase: Hustler wants to get attention by using Oprah's name, but doesn't want to actually hire a performer who's anywhere close to to Oprah's actual body type. So what do they do? They come up with a ridiculous plot twist to help contort the story of Oprah into the rigid strictures of mainstream porn. Which is almost as ridiculous as making a "Cosby Show" parody where all the characters have sex with white people...oh, wait.

And, come to think of it, even without the weight issue, Misty doesn't really bear any resemblance to Oprah. In the past, we've chided the porn industry for constantly casting Jada Fire whenever the script calls for a black girl...but this really is a role where Jada might have been better suited. So why is Misty headlining? Well, that brings us to The Sexy:

This is really just a Misty Stone vehicle. Misty Stone is a rising star in the adult industry—and she damn well should be! She's hot, she's sexy, she's an amazing performer. She totally deserves to the be star of her own XXX show—but chances are, "Misty Stone XXX" wouldn't sell quite as many copies (or get quite as much press attention) as the porn parody of Oprah's life. So can you really fault Hustler for making a porn movie about Oprah as an excuse to showcase Misty? Probably not: but hey, maybe next time they could do, like, "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Beyonce" or "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Rihanna" or "Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Some Other Celebrity Who Looks Like Misty Stone." Because that would be something we could totally get behind. Especially if they leave the fat suit out of it.

· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)