“The Nutcracker… A XXX Parody” Is Exactly As Juvenile As You Thought

But hey, if you're the type of person who loves seeing some sassy ladies beat the bejesus out of male genitalia and you love vaguely referred-to classic German Christmas stories, then you're in luck!

The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody

Studio: White Ghetto
Cast: Veronica Jett, Jamey Jane, Alexis Grace

It's not like we had high hopes for this movie. The last White Ghetto parody we watched was full of lies! Remember that? When "This Ain't a XXX Parody, It's a Midget Movie!" turned out to be a parody with only one brief midget sex scene? That was a sad day.

The parody side of "Nutcracker XXX" is contained in little readings from a version of "The Nutcracker and the Mouse King" by E.T.A. Hoffman in which the word "toy" is always preceded by the word "sex." These appear between ball-torturing scenes, accompanied by crude Sharpie drawings of women inflicting pain on men.

In the first scene, Santa visited Veronica Jett to ask her what she wants for Christmas. She asks for a pony, he says his bag only contains dildos, so she punches him in the balls. Make no mistake: she delivers serious Rising Dragon uppercuts to his junk. After a long volley of hits, we began to think they were faking it. Then Santa got naked and we could see the carnage.

"Something's not right about you," Veronica says, eyeing Santa suspiciously. "Are you my creepy next door neighbor?" Indeed he is. Veronica flails her leg, snaps her knee between Santa's thighs. There's a splash of flesh, his leg muscles fail and freeze, and his knees cave in. Santa, why did you leave your junk open for attack?

After she's finished doing the can-can on his cock, Veronica starts teasing it to life with criticism and a two-finger handjob. Just when you think she's about to suck on it—psych!—she bites the crap out of his penis. This continues until an actual blowjob/handjob occurs and Santa busts on her chin. Sadly (not sadly?) this is the only Christmas-themed scene in the film.

The other two scenes feature angry women torturing their men by smothering them with feet, gagging them with socks, sitting on their faces, biting, jabbing, punching, kicking, and just generally pimp slapping their phalluses. The gents all react with the same "DAW! MY NUTS!" in tones that take us back to our younger days of watching Jim Carrey movies.

If cock-torture and female domination are your favorites niches, then this is certainly for you: the pain is real, the women have had some Krav Maga training. However, if you're looking for a parody for the holiday season, keep on moving because there isn't one single Sugar Come Fairy in the whole flick.

· White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
· Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)

White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)
White Ghetto Films (whiteghettofilms.com)
Buy "The Nutcracker... A XXX Parody" (store.fleshbot.com)