Bluebird Puts Horny Hackers And Hot Honeys On The “Wire”

"Wire" is, at best, a parody of "Swordfish" that replaces everything technologically dazzling and sexy with something pornographically pleasing. At worst, "Wire" is just "Swordfish" with Paul Chaplain's smug smirk replacing John Travolta's bad haircut.

Wire

Studio: Bluebird Films
Director: Paul Chaplain
Cast: Brooke Jameson, Rebecca Jessop, Lichelle Marie, Carolyn Reece, Romana Ryder, Cypress Isles, Poppy Morgan, Jasmine Webb, Delta White, Gabriela Glaser, Cindy Behr, Paul Chaplain, Justin the Beast, Kieran Lee, Keni Styles, Dirty Dog

Brooke Jameson rolls up on Kieran and pulls the whole badass, Halle Berry routine in a hot red outfit. It's almost a flawless rendition of the scene from "Swordfish," except Halle Berry never had her panties stuffed in her mouth while Hugh Jackman ate her out. Kieran slaps that ass all around his trailer, stuffing Brooke into tight corners of the kitchen while he choke-fucks her, finally taking anally her on his tiny bed and busting all over her face (just like "Swordfish").

The rest of "Wire" progresses like "Swordfish" as well. Kieran rolls up at a club, gets a gun to his head and a mouth to his cock while he cracks some uncrackable data encryption, and everyone celebrates by drugging Kieran, having an orgy around him (Chaplain's asymmetrical balls are quite distracting as they swing against Lichelle's ass), and then beating him off while he sleeps.

Later, Kieran blows off nerd steam by ordering blowjobs from Romana Ryder and Cypress Isles, only to be interrupted by one of Chaplain's horny henchmen. The henchman seems determined to outfuck Kieran, and he slams Cypress so hard she wobbles off her high heels and her legs go weak. Kieran, ever the clever hacker, takes his time and arcs his spunk across both faces.

At this point, Brooke introduces Kieran to a superfine FBI agent named Cindy Behr. Yes, the FBI is in on this fancy hacking job, too (whatever it might be, they just keep calling it "the job"), and they send Cindy to make sure their interests are being considered. What better way to track your interests than to sit on Kieran's face? Agent Cindy gets first crack at Kieran's cock, but things don't start heating up until Brooke takes a turn and immediately creams on his pole.

Finally, it's time for the heist! Five of Chaplain's homies take over the vault of bank girls, and while they wait for Kieran's program to work, an orgy breaks out. Keni Styles slips behind Jasmine Webb and starts teasing her nipples with his submachine gun—she likes it a little too much. The rest of Chaplain's crew splits up to fuck a bank girl here or there, but we were most interested with Keni and Jasmine: what they lack in intensity they more than make up with smooth strokes and the deep ripples off Jasmine's sweet ass.

After all the boys pop, the cops show up, and the serious criminal illusion breaks down even further. The lady constables are all dressed in different vinyl outfits, Kieran and company can't wipe the smiles off their faces, and the boys get locked up while a female orgy takes place on the other side of the bars. Some of them generously slip their lips through the barricade to suck an incarcerated cock, but it's too dark to see what's going on.

For the grand finale, Brooke reveals that she was a plant the whole time, and she brought more lady cops to arrest Chaplain. Somehow Chaplain turns the tables and ends up getting his cock sucked while he enjoys a nice cigar. Truth be told, we have no idea what happened in this movie. Where did Kieran go?

"Wire" is actually a fine piece of foreign porn, it just comes off a little sloppy at times. There's plenty of anal action to be had, all of the girls fuck with enthusiasm (and a touch of insanity), and the Brits exclaim things like "Dirty fucking filth-monger!" and we find that ever so charming. However, the music is terribly inconsistent from scene to scene, the lighting is awful (it's like watching "Cops"; pitch black one moment, over-saturated the next), and there's just too much group sex.

Sure you get a lot to look at, but that very perk is the biggest problem: when you have more to look at, you spend less time looking at each individual thing. Duh. Dividing your attention between three jackhammering gents is difficult, and naturally, boner-confusing. What if you like one pussy better than the other five? It's like waiting for the fan to oscillate where you want. With a little more forethought, "Wire" could've been everything you'd ever want in a heist film and not "This Ain't Swordfish XXX."

· Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
· Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)

Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)
Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)
Buy "Wire" (cduniverse.com)