Kristen Schaal Talks Sexy Sex, Harlequin Novels, And Her First Threesome

Kristen Schaal—who you may remember from her work on "Flight of the Conchords" and "The Daily Show"—isn't just a sexy lady. She's also the author of a very sexy book, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex.

Co-written with real life boyfriend and "Daily Show" writer Rich Blomquist, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex is a funny, arousing exploration of this crazy little thing called sex. Think The Joy of Sex crossed with America (The Book), with a healthy amount of humorous erotic fiction, and you're on the right track.

Lucky bastards that we are, we got a chance to sit down with Kristen herself and have a chat about her book, sex around the world, and how she became such a masterful sexpert herself. It was hard to keep our wits about us in the presence of such a sexy sex goddess...but because we're professionals, we pulled through.

Fleshbot: So first off, I'm really curious to know what your inspiration for writing the book was.

Kristen Schaal: I think initially the inspiration came from my sort of secret love of dirty romance novels. I grew up reading Harlequin romance novels at the library; like when I was in junior high, sort of flipping to the best parts. And the language was so funny to me that I thought it would translate well to a humorous book.

Did you have to do any research?

I did a little bit...I read some of the women's magazines cause they always have advice, and that's sort of what prompted the portion about "Be A Crazy Girl."....Certain things I had to look up. I read a lot about bestiality, I was going to write more about bestiality than the catalogue.

Did you learn anything fascinating about bestiality?

Oh yeah. The people who are in support of bestiality give almost, um, what's the word, compelling arguments about it. Such as, the animals are moved by what you do, so if you touch them in a certain way and they don't move away, then that communicates that they liked the way that they were touching them, and that you should do it more. It's really fascinating how much thought is put into bestiality, you would just think it was more, you know, animalistic than that.

Aside from these revelations about bestiality, what was the most fascinating thing you learned in your research?

Probably the intolerance to homosexuals around the world. We had that map, Let's Gay, and we were just doing research that like… Even in Jamaica, which you would think is like a tolerable, we're-having-fun-here kind of place, is incredibly homophobic. And it's punishable by death in Iran...I think we're in a bubble in the States...you realize that around the world, everyone is a little bit behind as far as homosexuals' rights go.

When did you first learn about sex? Did your parents teach you, did you learn from your friends, did you learn from the dirty Harlequin novels?

I think it was a combination of everything. I remember sitting on the school bus in elementary school, and someone said something about humping. And I was like, what's humping? And then my friend was like, oh, it's when a man and a woman… I don't even think my school friend knew, but I remember humping was the first time I was like, something else happens between people, you know? And um, and then I remember when I was a pre-teen or a young teenager, my older brother, I was sort of snooping through his room, and I found a VHS tape that had porn on it. But I didn't know—it just said like, "Hot Beach Night," and I stuck it in, and I was like, Oh my god. (Laughing.) And that was probably definitely my first, um, visual schooling of sex.

(Laughing) Well…

It was a threeway, too.

Oh wow.

It really went there.

Well, you know, there's a lot of talk these days, you know, about, kids on the internet and finding porn, and how they're going to be scarred for life. Do you think it scarred you? Do you think it shaped your view of sex?

Um, well, definitely. I do think those images are in my head, like they're seared in my brain. I'm thinking about it right now. I think especially when you're young, and it's the first time—it is shocking the first time you see it. Whatever you're seeing, even if it's just mild, it's like, whoa! But no, scarring, I don't think I've been scarred by any means. I think it's just opened up my world. But I would say that something that, I don't know anything about it but I do think that the sensibility of pornography now, there is something about the way women are treated in pornography that I would be worried about kids seeing. But then again, I saw a threeway…. (Laughing.) So yeah, I don't know. It's a bigger question that I guess we'll have to wait ‘til the this generation can really decide whether or not they're scarred.

I think if we had better sex education, the whole thing would be a little more of a moot point. But that's a whole…Did you have any sex education in school? Or was it all just through your parents and the… threesome tape.

I had health class in seventh grade/ I don't remember if you learned about contraception though. I was in Colorado. I don't remember them showing us how to put a condom on at all. I think...that wasn't accessible to the kids that I grew up with. And my town of Longmont, Colorado had the most teenage pregnancies in the state of Colorado. It was like a target city for, a hotbed of pregnant teenagers. Maybe if they had showed us how to put a condom on it wouldn't have been so bad!

Maybe! What kind of sex education do you think teenagers should get?

I think they should definitely have access to all of the knowledge about contraception. They should know everything about it. I think they should also be taught the option of, you know, I think abstinence should be taught alongside contraception. You should just be able to make your choice, just like religion. They should have all the tools, they should just learn it all.

And because sex education doesn't stop when you get out of high school: what do you think it the most important thing for adults to know about sex and sexuality?

I think they should be willing to be playful and open to new things. Maybe wait on having sex with someone for a while. I think adults nowadays just like, jump, they'll go straight to sleeping with each other right away. I think sex can be even better if you hold it off for a few dates. When you know a person, at least for women, I think that it can be more gratifying.

Last question: what do you want people to take away from your book?

A new leader in the sexual revolution. I would like them laugh and have to cross their legs from getting turned on.

· Buy The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex (amazon.com)
· Kristen Schaal (facebook.com)