You Are Not Ready For “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge”

As the massive, seemingly interminable countdown to the release of Digital Playground's "Pirates II" ticks down to its final minutes, Porn Valley is readying to don its melon body spray-scented finest for the movie's world premiere screening in Hollywood tomorrow night. In the meantime, we here at Fleshbot are sitting here in our underwear as usual getting ready to upload even more behind-the-scenes preview pics from what we're assured is "the most expensive adult movie of all time". We do, after all, want you to be sure you're getting your money's worth. (And we don't even have to get dressed to do it!)

By this point, of course, the original "Pirates" needs no introduction (unless you happen to be a curiously dismissive blog tipster): aside from being the best selling porn movie of all time, it's still selling like crazy and has even had the distinction of being edited down from its adult version and made available for rental at the formerly Mormon-owned Blockbuster, which means that even Mit Romney and his extended family have probably seen it.

While it has a tall order to follow, "Stagnetti's Revenge" continues in its predecessor's fine tradition with an absolutely stellar cast including Digital Playground contract stars Stoya™, Riley Steele™, Jesse Jane™, Gabriella Fox™, and Shay Jordan™ along with the non-trademarked Katsuni, Sasha Gray, Belladonna, Rhylee Richards, Jenna Haze, Abbey Brookes, Brea Lynn, Brianna Love, Veronica Rayne, and Shyla Stylez. (Wow, just typing that cast list made our hands tired. Imagine how they'll feel once we get our screener copy!)

Director-slash-seafaring visionary Joone literally spared no expense for the sequel--as in, he actually built a fucking pirate ship from scratch for the production, hired mainstream fight choreographers and stunt coordinators, added over 600 special effects, and catered each shoot with Beluga caviar and gold leaf-encrusted foie gras sliders (OK, maybe that last part is just a rumor). Meanwhile, many of his pornic competitors have been busy trying to make ends meet by rereleasing compilations discs and cutting their feature budgets down to practically nothing. Take that, one-camera gonzo auteurs!

But will the final product live up to the hoopla? We'll just have to wait until the premiere to find out. Until then, enjoy the preview pics below while we find something clean to wear for tomorrow night.

• "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" (official site @ piratesthemovie.com)
• Order: "Pirates II" (Adult DVD Empire)