“Pirates II” Premiere: An Arrr-Rated Affair Of The Ass

"Get on that carpet!" growled Max Hardcore to his jittery arm candy as a strolling Mexican family observed. "They need to see you!" The event was the "Pirates II" premiere at downtown L.A.'s jewel box Orpheum Theatre this weekend, and the adult industry was on notice that if they didn't attend they would be kicked out and banished to perform random blowjobs in Vancouver. Vancouver, Washington, no less. That is why Fleshbot West attended, and brought you the following report. The biggest American adult industry event prior to January's AVN Expo, the "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" premiere attracted most of the movie's stars including Jesse Jane, Katsuni, Stoya, the sylphlike Riley Steele, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Steven St. Croix, and David Aaron Clark, seen here with Jandi Lin, whose process in his pivotal whore-negotiating scene involved eating two turkey legs. "I was there for two days of shooting," he said. The premiere marks the midpoint of "Pirates"-related marketing and publicity, coming more than three years after the debut of its predecessor's first press release and three years before the collected weight of all its publicity efforts will sink the Pacific Rim (which, considering the analingus involved in this movie, would have made a good subtitle). The only porn stars to arrive dressed like pirates were the swashbuckling Nicki Hunter and Tommy Gunn, the Stagnetti of the title, who wore his evil glass eye. "I wasn't in the movie much," he said. "But I'm hoping for a Supporting Actor nomination," Gunn said. "But you were the title character," we observed. Hollywood is so unfair. Former Digital Playground contract performer Teagan prowled the red carpet for XBiz which, like rival AVN, now features video interviews. If only Sophia Santi and Janine had been there, it would have been a "Pirates" reunion.

Other porn luminaries in attendance were publicity magnet Kayden Kross, Aiden Starr, Bobbi Starr (no relation), Ringo Starr (not actually there), Satine Phoenix, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey, who came dressed as Sasha Grey.

As usual, Ange Venus, who plays the inscrutable Katsuni's henchwoman in the movie, attracted most of the attention on the red carpet, wearing almost nothing but her hair. Katsuni by comparison dressed very elegantly. It was as if Venus was going to the MTV Awards and Katsuni to the Golden Globes. This reporter spent so much time outside that he did not get in on the free bar in the lobby, but by then the movie was starting. The crowd cheered as the first popshot broke over Shay Jordan's prow. We'll give you a review of the movie, that may or may not include the blurb Belladonna is salad tosseriffic!, soon. - Photos by DCypher


• "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" (official site @ piratesthemovie.com) • Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com) • Order: "Pirates II: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)