The True Blood Porn Parody: A Fleshbot/io9 Review

A porn parody of "True Blood": has there ever been a more amazing idea? The sexiest show on television...only with real sex. Fleshbot and io9 were both so excited for this release, we teamed up for a joint review.

Lux: Since I'm sure there are some of you who are just interested in hearing about the hot and steamy vampire sex, we'll get to that first (to skip to the io9 take, click here; and if you'd like to just look at hot naked vampire action, click here).

Given the stellar cast that New Sensations crammed into this porno parody, it's no surprise that the sex in this release is really, really hot. It's also beautifully shot: like "The Sex Files," "Tru" is a lush film that's beautiful to look at—and not just because of all the hot naked people getting hot and heavy on screen.

And speaking of that whole hot and heavy thing: New Sensations pulls no punches here, starting right off with a full twenty minute sex scene starring Vanessa Naughty and Johnny Castle—and ending with (spoiler alert!) a grisly murder. Hey, you can't say Lee Roy Myers doesn't know his pacing.

After an impressive length of plot involving all sorts of intrigue and murder, we're greeted by the sight of Misty Stone getting down with Levi Cash. I can't express enough how much I love Misty Stone here; I also can't express enough how much I love the fact that "interracial" appears nowhere on the release's box cover. (Progress?)

Levi Cash returns for a drugged out, outdoor flashback with Gracie Glam, which may be one of the prettiest sex scenes we've seen since "Hardcore Circus;" we're then submerged into the dark side for a virgins plus vampires fourgy with Lana Violet, Shay Sights, Lindy Lane, and Bill Bailey. If you're still wondering why they made a porn parody of "True Blood"...go back and read that last paragraph again.

And, of course, New Sensations knows well enough to save the best for last: in the finally (sex) scene (there is a bit of post-coital plot), Ashlynn Brooke and James Deen absolutely shine, bringing all our not-so-secret Sookie/Bill fantasies to life (and then some). I've seen these two bang each other countless times, yet somehow it never gets old—maybe those vampire fangs breathe new life into a time old act?

And now, for those of you dying to know the "True Blood" fan take on things, here's Meredith:

Meredith: First up let me just say I was exceedingly impressed by the True Blood parody porn. I'm not a massive consumer of the product, but I know what I like. And full penetration vampire sex that attempts to remain in canon to either the original source material or the HBO series, can quietly play on my computer anytime. Basically, the porn contained plenty of vampires sexin' up humans, with a dash of plot that never really needed to be addressed. So yeah, it was basically True Blood with cheaper sets and "downstairs" shots of the actors.

But while the plot was flimsy, the overall production value and massive effort crammed into this porn to remain semi faithful to the show or books was almost...noble. Sookie can still hear voices in the same warped head whisper from the series, Maryann Forrester does her twitchy dancing turrets act, the fleshy flick even attempts to incorporate a True Blood parody opener with a montage of sex, alligators and random Southern stock footage, it's impressive. Take for instance Bill and Sookie, even their costumes were picked out in hopes to mimic their parody partners...

And yes, Bill talks in his disappointed Dad manner, acts like a wet blanket, and yells out "Sookie!" like he was getting punched in the gut. Plus, out of all the porn couples these two seem to have the most "loving" sex, which is fairly canon. Yes, I just critiqued a fake couples' porn sex style. And on the flip side, you have Porn Vampire Eric who entertains 3 ladies, including Pam, with his manhood. It's alright, Pam and Eric used to have sex back in the day, it's canon. Granted, she likes ladies now which probably explains while she spent the majority of her time with the two innocent human girls.

Sadly the Vampire Eric look is full of fail, but towards the end we kind of enjoyed the hideous plastic wig placed atop the porn actor's brow, just because it was so indescribably terrible. This poor actor has to compete with Alexander Skarsgard in a dated first season wig that Vampire Eric hacked off a season ago, the odds were already stacked against him. I'm almost glad they went full ridiculous with this horrendous hair. Hopefully they were all in on the joke as well.

The plot as a whole seems to be a combination of seasons one and two. First, they start with the murder of Lafayette. No, that's not right, they start the film off of 20 minutes of vampire rando sex, then they get to the plot, also very similar to the original "True Blood" show. In the parody porn, Sookie discovers Lafayette's body strewn out in the back seat of a car, his heart ripped from his chest exactly like the super climatic end of the first season. Of course we now know, that wasn't Lafayette it was the voodoo witch lady/Walgreens worker or something—but when the main aim of your story is to incorporate a lot of vampire on human sex scenes, I guess it makes sense to do away with the gay character, who rarely has sex on camera in the show anyways.

Then the rest cast is ushered in rather quickly to commiserate about Lafayette's death by getting naked and having sex on the floor or Merlotte's, at least that's how Tara and Jason mourn. And of course Merlotte's barkeep Sam is there, oddly wandering about in the background, talking to himself. "Tru"'s Sam might be the scariest character porn actor I've even seen in my entire life. In fact when he tries to take of his shirt to do the nasty shake bump with Maryann someone screams in the background. Yeah, yeah it's intentional, but it doesn't make it any less accurate or hilarious.

In between all the sex there is a bit of a plot. Sookie's is looking for Lafayette's murderer. She heads to Fangtasia and even even winds up facing off with the evil, deep talking Maryann. Who meets a similar end at porno Sookie's hands as she did with Sam in the finale of the second season. In fact, they even give her District 9 aliens hoof hands, just like in the show.

My only disappointment was the lack of female on female sex scenes, they had a perfect opportunity to branch out and be even more risque than the original show. But alas Pam never really got her chance to have a all sex girls night with Tara and Sookie, sorry Pam. But then again that might have been a wee bit contrived. Interestingly enough, everyone who fang bangs or bangs in Merlotte's has actually had sex in the show or in the books, so points for accuracy. But why make a vampire porn, or any porn in general, if you're not going to have two girls have sex with each other, sans-vampire dong?

And now, for those of you who'd still like to see some naughty pictures of vampires getting it on...they're still waiting for you over here.

· Buy "Tru: A XXX Parody" (tlavideo.com)
· New Sensations (newsensations.com)