Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Twisted Rose Glass Dildo

It is hard to put into words the feelings that the Twisted Rose Glass Dildo aroused in me. However, I am a professional, so I'm damn well going to try.

Between the hardness of the glass, the curves of the dildo's body, and the ridged surface, this toy creates a very intense sensation. A lesser reviewer might suggest that this toy is "ribbed for her pleasure"—I'd rather just say that the second I pressed the dildo's first section against my gspot, I felt like I was going to squirt.

Can I say what, precisely, it is about the form, the friction, the ridges that make this toy so utterly delightful? Alas, no: this happens to be one of those very rare occasions where words fail me. However, if the old axiom about actions speaking louder rings true to you, then my muteness shouldn't bother you much. Because I can say this: as soon as I get a chance, I am so going to ram this baby up my hooha. If you will.

· Buy the Twisted Rose Glass Dildo (glassdildoz.com)