The Battle Of The Tiger Woods Parody Porns

It is a testament to the creativity of the porn industry that the Tiger Woods sex scandal birthed not one, but two parody porns, both out this month.

Yes, Tigerphiles can see their hero recreated, in all his scandalous glory, both as Tyler Wood (in Adam & Eve's "Tyler's Wood") and Tiger Would (in ZB Ventures' "Tiger's Got Wood," distributed by Wicked Pictures). But what if you've only got the money to pick up one Tiger parody porn?

Well, they both have clever names and performances by Evan Stone, Diana Doll, and Richelle Ryan...but what makes them different? Based solely on preview picks and PR hype, here are our thoughts:

The Name Game: Any parody bold enough to actually use the real name of its subject gets automatic points from us. Alas, no one had the balls to shoot "Tiger Woods XXX"--but Tiger Would is vastly closer to the real thing than Tyler Wood. Furthermore, "Tiger's Got Wood" immediately calls to mind the scandal-ridden golf star, while "Tyler's Wood" sounds more like a porno set in the back woods of a Connecticut estate.

Winner: Point for "Tiger."

[At left: Tiger Would's post-coital fist pump.]

Casting: We're torn on the issue of leading men: on the one hand, Jonny Slim actually bears a passing resemblance to Tiger Woods (at least in that he's light skinned and appears to be tall and slender). On the other hand, Tyler Knight makes us weak in the knees--and we never pass up a chance to watch him get his fuck on. Consider this one a draw.

We're also a bit torn on the matter of Elin (or, as she's listed in "Tiger's Got Wood," "Tiger's Wife.). Which to choose: Kayden Kross or Diana Doll? We're leaning towards Kayden...if only because "Tyler's Wood" features a scene of her banging Diana Doll (two for the price of one!).

On the other hand, we gotta give "Tiger's Got Wood" credit for including Racquel Ucantell (get it?) among their roster of hussies. When parodying a scandal, it's always good to stick to the original story.

Winner: Call this one a draw.

[At left: The always lovely Kayden Kross in "Tyler's Wood."]

The Sexploits: The true details Tiger's exploits are currently known only to Tiger, his mistresses, and whatever publisher has managed to wrangle a contract for a tell-all memoir out of one of Tiger's many women--so, of course, the makers of these porns had to get a bit creative.

"Tiger's Got Wood" goes the largely traditional route: Tiger fucks Raquel on the golf course, Richelle in a hotel room, Krissy in a locker room, Heidi and Ryder by the pool, and watches Jazy and Madelyn pleasure each other in a strip club.

"Tyler's Wood," on the other hand, really allowed the creative juices to flow: in addition to some rather standard sex scenes with Natasha Nice and Capri Cavelli, we have a threeway Andi Anderson and Richelle Ryan...and Tyler dressed up as a French maid. Is Tiger Woods really into crossdressing and spanking? We have no idea...but we'd like to think he is.

Interestingly, while neither porno seems to feature a scene of Tiger and his wife in the matrimonial bed, both feature of scene of Tiger's wife trying to get back at him by screwing Evan Stone (in one telling, a "suave stud," in another, a caddy.).

Winner: "Tyler's Wood," purely for creativity.

[At left: The many women of "Tiger's Got Wood."]

So, there you have it: after considering all the important factors...we're actually still not sure which parody is the best parody. Perhaps it's best left up to this: if you want to see Jonny Slim fuck his way through half the locations in Porn Valley, pick up "Tiger's Got Wood." If, on the other hand, you can't rest until you've seen Tyler Knight in a maid's uniform, "Tyler's Wood" is the porn for you.

And if you'd like to stage your very own battle of the Tiger Woods parody porns, in the comfort of your own home? Well, friend, you'd need both porns to do that.

[At left: The crossdressing threeway of "Tyler's Wood."]

· "Tiger's Got Wood" (tigersgotwoodmovie.com)
· "Tyler's Wood" (adameve.com)