“Barely Legal Glory Holes” Transforms Young Ladies Into Cum Dumpsters

Who among us hasn't dreamed of the kinky thrill of anonymous sex with total strangers, the kind you get by using a glory hole in a public bathroom? It's wrong, it's dirty, it's illegal—and we can't look away.

We can remember almost every single story we've read recounting the big trip to the sex hole—the danger, the excitement, the smell, the fear of what might happen to your genitals left exposed through a hole, in the hands of some deranged sociopath. You know, your Uncle Larry wants you to share in the fun without having to risk getting arrested—or finding out you just got sexed the fuck up by George Bush. That's why he's taking his shiny Barely Legal franchise off the rails and driving that shit right into the gutter, down with the common sleaze bag degenerate perverts. Yes, Larry Flynt is a man of the people. Always has been.

Infamous director Anton Slayer superglues some chunky ass, monster-sized, whorishly black eye lashes onto a group of legal teen newbies, instantly transforming them from coquettish flirts into sperm guzzling cum dumpsters willing to suck and fuck anything that comes through the hole he's cut in the wall. Don't believe us? Check the images below. It even says so right on the motherfucking box cover! (And really....you're going to start doubting us now? Come on, kid.)

It's a disturbingly fast transformation, the kind that keeps every single last GOP senator waking up in cold sweats, night after night, screaming in terror for their young daughters' chastity—well, maybe not Larry Craig. He might be screaming for a different reason.

Take Aubrey Addams, for example. She looks all young and innocent...well, until she starts blowing random cock, rimming out strangers for kicks, then taking a prick meat stabbing up her pink tunnel of love. It's like a switch goes off and Daddy's little girl just loses her mind! Gone is the sweet girl that used to want a pony and dream of being a helping sick animals. In her place is a trick turning pro, ravenous to get stanky junk rubbed all over her face, dying to take a load or sixteen, hell bent to catch something nasty or fuck herself to exhaustion trying. She goes hog wild at the glory hole without very little direction from Slayer. Sometimes directing is just about putting all the right elements in place and giving the talent permission to do what they do best.

For Dakoda Brookes, it's a different story. Extremely risky sexual behavior is the only way she can get off these days. Hardened by a short adult life filled with oversized cocks pummeling her in the uterus, she can only reach full satisfaction now by attempting nastier sex acts. The plain old vanilla sex just won't cut it. We were (not) told last week that a new paramour professed his love to her while they were having sex and she fell asleep on him in disgust. You think making porn doesn't take a toll? How else can you explain her barely legal body being riddled with bad tattoos before she's even legal to drink?

Britney Amber, Cameron Love, and Crista Moore complete this filthy experiment, each turning in sufficiently stomach churning sex acts of utter depravity . We're still not sure how we feel. It's kind of a mix of nut busting excitement mashed up with that residual aftermath of shame you get coming down off cocaine. We're kinda of thinking this might have been what Slayer was going for in the first place. Whatever his intentions were, it's clear that Barely Legal has taken a shortcut down crack alley and we're not sure it's ever coming back. Even if these legal teen runaways come home and clean up, they will forever be tainted by what they've done. Every time their fathers look at them, they'll see lines of strangers waiting to stuff their swollen, smelly junk through a hole in the wall and into their little girls face. Oh, the humanity! And to think—they could have gone on to do such great things!

"Barely Legal Glory Holes" is available now from Hustler. We hope it was worth it, Mr. Slayer. You're going to have to live with it now.

(Last but not least: for those of you who took any of this hyperbole seriously—and are ready to flood our comment section with snarky comebacks—it's a new decade. Maybe it's time to lighten up. We love porn. We have great respect for the women who perform in it—for the most part. Thanks for reading and having a happy and safe New Year's Eve. See you next year!)

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