Your Euro XXXmas Goose: “A Fucking Christmas Dinner”

Since I go home for the holidays, Private's team of leggy and melon-scented pornstresses gave me a ballseye view of how they celebrate Christ's birth on the continent - by fucking on the table. It truly is a wonderful life.

You know how when you do your missionary work in countries where they have never seen a Honda or television and they bring you local delicacies that you would never eat but you are doubly touched by the effort? This is how I felt when the gloriously nude Mandy Bright, playing "Mrs. Miller," somehow manifested a cellphone whilst applying jellies to her supple form, called her son while the latter was being blown in a car, and informed him to get home soon because "The Spencers" were coming over.

Their English is awful, but so much better than my Magyar would be, and in a way reduces anyone's go-to gripe about porn acting to nothing; all these people need to do is get from Point A to Point B (Point B being a double-anal creampie delivered within inches of a turkey) and, if some halting English makes these stunning Baltic beauties seem more human, then I have no problem.

I wish only that they would be as indulgent of me when I try to discuss "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" in their native tongue.

Well, the Spencers arrive but the only real eating is out, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. So while there isn't too much dinner in this movie, there sure is a lot of fucking. And that, I think, is the true meaning of Christmas.

· Private (private.com)
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Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)
Private (private.com)
Buy "A Fucking Christmas Dinner" (gamelink.com)