So, You’d Like To Enter Our “Sexclusive #2” Club (Actually A Contest)

Wanna know who'll be taking Ashlynn Brooke on her next adventure? Think it's you? Find out. Plus: another chance to win free porn with the powers of your mind.

Everyone knows that one of the most poppin' clubs around is "Sexclusive #2", but it's so hard to get in! There's always a long line, and the bouncer only lets in people he likes. Lucky for you, we know he has a soft spot for embarrassing stories. Here's how you win the bouncer's favor:

Tell us the most ridiculous thing you've ever done to try to seduce someone. There's no need to be graphic or write an epic of unrequited love. You don't have to adopt a fancy style or put it in iambic pentameter. Even if your efforts were fruitless, let us know. For example:

"Back in the day, I tried to get a girl in the mood by putting on Peter Gabriel's So. I thought it was very John Cusak of me. Unfortunately, she liked it so much that she didn't even want to make out. We ended up listening to the whole album, repeating 'In Your Eyes' three or four times."

As always, brevity is levity and timing is everything.

Post your entries in the comments section. By next Friday, the bouncer will have decided who gets a free copy of Sexclusive # 2!

But now, let's see who will be raiding Ashlynn's ark with a brand-new copy of "Ashlynn Brooke's Adventures In Sex."

All of the entries were beyond Spielberg-worthy. We're especially happy that no one decided to utilize Willie from "Temple of Doom."

Some of the best entries were short, sweet, and direct. greatvoldo's brainchild, Ashlynn Brooke and the guy from next door was powerfully understated. Likewise, one of Beaker's visions, Ashlynn Brooke and the Axis of Ass is so simple that it deserves reposting here:

"Indiana Brooke stumbles on an evil plot to make anal intercourse the only acceptable sexual act. Dr. Brooke demonstrates how this misguided effort would adversely affect procreation."

Masterful, and kudos for remembering to call her "Dr. Brooke."

As odd as it may sound, we have to give it up to one of the commenters who took advantage of Nazi sexual-inadequacy. Pinkie's entry, Ashlynn Brooke And The Arc Of Triumph, was especially Nazi-tastic; the climactic scene finds Ashlynn anally dominating the SS commander, while all of his female troops are ravished by monks. Terrific.

That being said, congratulations, Pinkie! You win the "Ashlynn Brooke's Adventures in Sex" Contest! Let's take another look at your entry:

Title: Ashlynn Brooke And The Arc Of Triumph

Plot: Ashlynn must find the Arc Of Triumph, a mythic artifact rumored to guarantee dominance to its possessor, before the Nazis can. After several close calls with rival searcher Major Koksennhandt (and his crack squad of female SS commandos, the TotenFokkers), Ashlynn finds the Arc in an ancient monastery lost in the Arabian deserts. The monks who guard the Arc tell her that she must prove herself worthy; this involves gangbanging the entire order of monks. Only then do they allow her to see the Arc Of Triumph: a huge, curved crystal strap-on dildo. As she reverently straps the Arc about her waist, Major Koksennhandt and the TotenFokkers burst in, levelling guns at Ashlynn and the monks. The Arc Of Triumph indeed guarantees Ashlynn dominance, as Koksennhandt is overcome with desire. She ass-fucks the major into submission, while all around her the monks are fucking the TotenFokkers beyond the limits of Nazi endurance.

It's a bit long, but it hits the spot. Enjoy your adventures with the lovely Dr. Brooke! We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Regina Moon, star of "Sexclusive # 2," via Pix and Video (pixandvideo.com)