“Anal POV 6” Will Have To Do…For Now

From deep within the frigid winter of our discontent, we yearn for a warm, safe place. Eric Everhard found us one, chafing it with his turgid member and depositing a silky load in the process.

For years we've been harangued by tech progressive prognosticators, who go on and on about how cutting edge porn is and how our inherent sexual perversions have always been early indicators pushing innovation to keep up with our hormones—or, as Masami Akita once posited from a Tokyo subway while making discarded manga into guilty art, how porno is the unconsciousness of culture, the libido of humanity.

The VCR, we are told, came into existence with high and mighty aspirations, but only survived long enough to babysit your children with Disney classics because of porn consumers. The same principle applies to the DVD player and now Blu-Ray, at least if we're to believe the lovable cast of "Tropic Thunder" (not to be confused with a Stormy Daniels movie).

So to all of you champions of the brave new technological world we ask this simple question—what the fuck? Why then are we still stuck with Point of View porn instead of being able to virtually diddle the porn starlet of our choice's holographic hoo-ha? Oh, and also, were the hell are those flying cars? But mostly, just what the fuck?

After a long hard day of crunching data for our benevolent multinational corporate masters, we'd like to teleport back to our domicile for a hot and sticky session with our favorite new pornstar; generally the most recent addition to the courtesan library with the sweetest simulated curves and longest drop down menu of fetishes. Can someone let us know when that will be possible?

Melissa Lauren, Bobbi Starr, Riley Evans, Emma Heart, Missy Stone, and Holly West take a not-so-virtual pounding in their flesh and blood anal cavities, respectively, with such relish one would think they were born for the job. Ah, but we know better than anyone (except Tweety) that the heart is deceitful above all things. For now it will have to do, this form of vicarious pleasure accrued through the projection of ego consciousness and pure fantasizing. In that regard, Everhard makes a worthy surrogate as our imaginary penis, even if he isn't two feet longer and black.

We still think that Eric and Jules should make postcards out of some of these shots that allow the end user to choose a customized message. Ours would say "Wish You Were Here."

:Anal POV 6" releases this week from Jules Jordan and Eric Everhard. Act accordingly.

· "Anal POV 6" (julesjordanvideo.com)