Evan Screws Everyone, Smoking Hot Asians Edition

Another week briskly marches past us into a brave new year, and to our utter amazement Evan Seinfeld unveils yet another "smoking hot" movie, presumably with all scenes culled from his Rock Star Pimp site —by theme.

Is it just us or does it look like this guy is trying to make up for something he missed with all this fucking? Eschewing racial stereotypes, and assuming it's not all about being cheap or greedy (how dare you!), we can only presume that the lifestyle this former rock 'n roll front man grew accustomed to, replete with only too willing groupies dropping to their knees on request, has spoiled him. Being married to the reigning Queen of Porn isn't enough. No. He's got to screw EVERYTHING! We're not sure if we're too jealous to breathe, proud as hell—or a little of both.

This round of "Evan Cornholes Everyone" features delightful Asian dolls Mia Smiles, Asa Akira, Chrissy Moon, Evelyn Lin, and Kina Kai. It's great to see Mia back in action. Regardless of race, she's an amazing performer who really throws her all into each scene.

In any case, we'd like to make a suggestion. We think that Evan should take this show on the road, not just around America, but to other countries. "Spyder Jones Fucks South Korea" or "Rock Star Pimp Lhasa" could be the natural, organic evolution of this very title. Or if he wanted to really push the envelope, why not "Gaza Strip Geishas" or "Palestinian Pussy Punishers"? We expect to receive full credit for the concept and title. Check's in the mail, right?

"Smoking Hot Asians" releases this week from Iron Cross Productions, an imprint of Tera Patrick Productions. But you can sneak a peek right here and now, because you're special!

· Teravision (teravision.com)