Will The LingO Make You A Cunning Linguist?

After meeting pornstars, talking to pornstars, and hugging pornstars, my favorite part of the Adult Entertainment Expo would probably have to be all the free toys I was able to pick up.

Like, for instance, the LingO vibrating tongue ring, a small gel band with an embedded vibrator that's, yes, intended to be placed around the tongue. Why would someone want a vibrator on their tongue, you ask? Why, to make oral sex better! (Come on, you knew that one, right?)

As someone with a complicated relationship to oral sex, I was pretty thrilled by the idea of anything intended to improve the experience... even if it did happen to look like a piece of jewelry dispensed by a vending machine.

So once I got home from the Expo, I made trying out the LingO one of my first priorities. Once I'd gotten my assistant on board, I opened up the package and—just for kicks!—decided to try the ring on my own tongue first.

I stretched it out, slipped it over my tongue... and was shocked to see that it slid right off. Then I remembered: I'm tonguetied, so there's not much tongue to anchor the toy to.

I gave it over to my assistant. He also stretched the ring over his tongue... and immediately saw it slide off. Foiled again!

But hey, I'm not one to be so easily deterred—I figured if I couldn't use the LingO for its intended purpose, I could at least find a new use. Perhaps it could be a finger vibe, or a cock ring for a man with a very narrow member, or... I'm sure there are others (feel free to suggest).

Of course, whether you're using the LingO for its intended purpose or an alternate one, keep in mind that its battery only lasts for about forty minutes—so you'd better work fast.

· Buy the Lingo Vibrating Tongue Ring (thescreamingo.com)