Goo Diligence: “Cum Scene Investigation 5”

Perhaps this porn series cleaved harder to its non-porn inspiration in earlier incarnations, but for the life of me I can't find a Gary Sinise anywhere in the fifth installment. Facially unloaded disappointment.

Cum Scene Investigation 5

Studio: Pink Visual
Director: Rico, Craig Valentine
Cast: India Summer, Leah Wilde, Peyton, Allison Pierce, Aaralyn Barra, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage, Jeremy, Jack Vegas

Review by: Gram Ponante

"Cum Scene Investigation 5" has nothing at all to do with law enforcement or cities with dark underbellies just brimming with local actors satisfied with 5-and-under AFTRA contracts.

Not only that, but the movie also can't stick to one format in this compilation from the company's various Internet series. There's something from "Couples Seduce Teens," something from "AutoBang Sluts" (Sluts in a Car, to distinguish the series from rival Bang Bus), and, I don't know, "I Fuck for Sandwiches."

That is not to say the movie isn't good. I would watch Lexi ("Have you ever, like, had a threesome?") Lamour do anything, and if I were a scared 19-year-old girl, I would totes be seduced by her. Also, I was impressed with Aaralyn Barra in the final scene, in which I was reminded of the Cyndi Lauper That Might Have Been.

Still, the dramaturg in me rebelled against this blatant abuse of accepted porn ripoff conventions. The guys didn't even ejaculate on the same body parts in each scene. It should have been called "NYPD Goo."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cum Scene Investigation 5" (gamelink.com)