Mighty Aphrodite: Getting To Know The Aphrodite Vibe

The Aphrodite wants to be your first vibrator—especially if you happen to be middle-aged, unfamiliar with sex toys (or even masturbation), and a very big fan of Oprah.

At least, that was my impression of the (Oprah approved!) vibrator—and this was without even opening the box.

And by the way, we should talk about the box.

The Aphrodite comes in a large, purple (no shock there), cardboard box—one that has a picture of a lady on the back. A smiling lady doctor. This is how you know that the Aphrodite is made for women, by women, and not dreamed up in some skeezy perv's laboratory.

There's a flap on the front of the box, which can be peeled back to reveal a very detailed diagram of the external reproductive system. This is how you know the toy is intended for first timers—or at least people who don't know much about their bodies. It's a good thing, really; I appreciated the educational intentions of the box's designers even as the picture of pudenda made me giggle a little.

But one should never judge a vibrator by the box it comes in. Setting the packaging to the side, I examined the vibrator itself.

The Aphrodite is a vibrator in the model of the Hitachi Magic Wand. It's big, high-powered, back massager shaped beast—but one with a few key differences from it's Japanese ancestor.

First and most obviously, it's cordless and rechargeable, allowing for roaming masturbatory habits. More important, though, is the difference in the design of the head.

On one side of the Aphrodite's head is a black plastic dome, which glows red when the vibe is on the lower of its two settings (this indicates that it's emitting heat—a very nice feature). On the other side is a plastic prong, on which you can mount one of three attachments: a flat, basic dome for general vibration; a studded dome for a bumpier ride; and a cone shaped attachment for (minimal) internal stimulation.

Now, the box claimed that these attachments were silicone, and I do believe the box, but I have to say—they did not smell like silicone. In fact, they smelled really bad, though it's possible that that was due to the plastic packaging that they came individually wrapped in (yes, it was extremely wasteful).

Once assembled, the vibe performed pretty much as expected—which is to say pretty damn well. The interchangeable heads were a nice feature (my favorite was the cone), and the heat, while unusual and slow to take effect, was a nice added bonus.

If you're new (or not so new) to masturbation, and you're looking for a hyper-charged ride, the Aphrodite could certainly be the toy for you. Hey, Oprah wouldn't steer us wrong!

· Buy the Aphrodite (mypleasure.com)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive