The Bad Boy P-Vibe

I'm glad that the Bad Boy P(rostate) Vibrator I received was bright red, because the black version, shaped the way this thing is, would have summoned uncomfortable memories from the city pool.

I think of that humorless howl of protest the other day when Dylan Ryan said she liked bacon and was a sex worker. I think of that because I'm about to tell you that the moment something comes close to my prostate, my reaction is the opposite of pleasure. Cocaine also doesn't work for me. Could it be related?

Anyway, when I let my aggressively "sex positive" friends know this, they become militant. Some in a sexy way. And determine that it is their duty to rid me of this "fear."

But it never works. They give up, these porn stars and sex educators. We are reduced to fucking the old dead-white-male patriarchal vaginal way. The "My Ass Says 'Exit Only' way. The horror.

But I've tried.

So this solidly made, powerfully vibrating doodad, which seems thoughtfully crafted to deal with the odd highways and byways of the poop chute is supposed to stimulate your prostate on one end and deliciously agitate your perineum along the ridged edge of the other. I have a feeling it would work for other people, but it didn't work for me. I think it's because I'm a mutant.

· Buy the Bad Boy P-Vibe (blowfish.com.com)