Heavy Are The Balls That Carry The Load In “King Of Coochie 2”

While we're certain that's not how the phrase is turned, we're sticking to it for now, inspired as we are by legendary male performer Tom Byron and his new series "King of Coochie."

For those who don't remember, the old saying "heavy is the head that wears the crown" refers to the weight of responsibility that encumbers the leader of a people (not the size or density of the ruler's brain or skull). The maxim suggests that—despite the appearance of a wealthy life of privilege insulating the rulers from the troubles of the common people—being in charge of everything is, in fact, a terribly taxing job that requires the steely determination only true greatness affords.

Extrapolating that to self-proclaimed "King of Coochie" Tom Byron, it would loosely translate to meaning that although it may appear he is simply living an extraordinarily spoiled life—being handsomely paid to nail ineffably beautiful girls like Penny Flame and curvy blond goddess Alexis Texas—in reality, Byron was called to live this life of cock service, possessed as he undoubtedly is of a God given supernatural ability to shoulder the burden of such Sisyphean tasks as satisfying these beautiful and insatiable seductresses.

It ain't easy to please mercurial and wanton Penny Flame. Trust usm we know how hard that must be. Our hearts go out to you, buddy. (And if you ever need a stand in, just while you catch your breath, be sure to let us know. We're there for you.)

Still, at the end of the day we can't help but agree with Mel Brooks's assessment—it's good to be the King. Tom, for one, seems to be loving it.

"King of Coochie 2" comes out next week. Enjoy our sneak peek, and your weekend. You may go now.

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