MILF v. Cougar: It Has Begun

February 3, 2009
LANK

Since porn has evolved to where we need to know what kind of sex people are having and between whom and what they're wearing, many Porno-American professionals are no longer using MILF and Cougar interchangeably.

But we've got to be diligent.

It's important for our magically-restored national pride to not backslide into calling every boob-having non-breeder over 25 a MILF. Sensing this, the thoughtful Spyder Jonez recalibrated his "American MILF" series, all of two episodes old, by subtitling the latest version "Enter the Cougar."

Because while a MILF can be a Cougar (it's all about the aggression), every Cougar is not necessarily a MILF. Despite how simple this is, people still get confused.

"Lisa Ann is perhaps the ultimate MILF," Jonez said, we imagine while tenting his fingers. Ultimate in that her loins have not borne fruit?

The movie features both Lisa Ann AND Raquel Devine, the two pornstars who inhabited the role of Sarah Palin, as well as Julia Ann (no relation to Lisa Ann), Austin Kincaid, and Shayla Laveaux as catty girlfriends planning a high school reunion. Each needs to come to terms with her mortality and sexual ripeness in her own way, but the movie teaches us that all women are sisters if they have vaginas.