“Star Trek XXX”: The Fleshbot Review

Over the past few years, we've seen porn parodies of everything from "The Brady Bunch" to "The Office"—and now, courtesy of Hustler and Axel Braun, we have "This Ain't Star Trek XXX," a parody unlike any other.

For one, this marks the first time a "Not the"-style parody has pornified a show that wasn't a sitcom—for another, never before have modern porn parodists attempted to venture into sci-fi. But does it work? Does "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" go boldly into this new territory—or does it meekly fall flat, unable to complete the journey?

We'd have to say that—for the most part—the venture is a success. It certainly helps that "Star Trek" was a rather campy endeavor, full of cheesy special effects and plot twists that didn't always add up (just like porn!). In terms of plot, set, and feel, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly keeps the pace with its inspiration (we guess all those hours Axel Braun spent studying old "Star Trek" footage paid off!). "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" certainly satisfied our desire for a porntastic retro future where multicultural crews explore the depths of space (and all the women wear crotchless pantyhose sans underwear).

Not surprisingly, Evan Stone's Kirk is the highlight of the film (we're pretty sure that Evan Stone will steal the show in any porn comedy); but his co-stars do turn in admirable performances (especially during their sex scenes, which take up about 5/6 of the two hour feature). We were particularly taken with the sexed up Jenna Haze and blood fever stricken Sasha Grey (but, of course, you knew we were going to say that).

For the curious, the plot (which can be watched, sans sex, on the bonus disc) amounts to this: while tooling around space, the Enterprise happens across a stranded ship, the Botany Bay. Upon boarding, they discover three bodies in suspended animation (and one skeleton). One of these bodies turns out to be Khan—who, upon being revived, seduces ship historian Marla MacGuyver (Aurora Snow), and then plots to take over the Enterprise by poisoning everyone with PSI 2000.

And what's the antidote to PSI 2000, you ask? Why, a sudden release of endorphins—like, say, an orgasm. Cue shipwide orgy!

Hot as the sex was, though, we occasionally found ourselves wishing (to echo one of our commenters) that there was less of it. Not that we minded seeing Jenna, Aurora, Sasha, Codi, and Jada heaving and sighing in various states of undress—but with so much time devoted to the fucking, "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" is more a standard porn with "Star Trek"-themed interludes, and less, well, a "Star Trek"-movie with sex in it.

Perhaps future porn parodies could take a page out of the "Pirates" handbook, and treat the sex scenes the way mainstream movies treat fight scenes: edit the shit out of them so that they fit into the flow of the movie, while still giving us our hedonistic burst of naughty pleasure (and then, of course, include the full sex scenes on the bonus disc, for the times when we don't care about plot).

But even so, this still winds up on our recommended list. Any movie that manages to keep Nick Manning from shouting, "Dropping loads!" gets automatic points (and hey, if it happens to replace that catchphrase with "Cum Khan, eat it, eat it"... well, so much the better).

· Buy "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" (gamelink.com)

*****

Previously: First Look: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX" Goes (And Comes) Boldly