Pleasure No. 6: Just A Dildo, A Suction Cup, And You

What can you do with a suction-cup dildo? Oh, lots of things (all of them indecent). You can turn your table into a fucktable, your door into a fuckdoor, your shower wall into a fuckshowerwall...

Basically, whatever you can suction the cup to, you can fuck. But would you want to? That was the question that lingered in my mind as I examined the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6.

I've always been skeptical of suction cup dildos. Frankly, they seem like a bit of a ruse—something that seems good on paper, but is ultimately worthless once you get it out of the box.

But one should not judge what one hasn't fucked, no? And so it was that I welcomed the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 into my life with open arms er, legs.

The Pleasure No. 6 is a solid, mid-sized silicone dildo with, yes, a built-in suction cup base. It's not the biggest kid on the block, but it's well-proportioned and solid—a quick trip into my parts revealed that, suction cup or no, this was a toy worth spending some time with.

But back to the suction cup.

Now, the idea of fucking my table was wildly unappealing—and not just for hygiene reasons. Frankly, the whole thing seemed like a devious plan to get me to squat (which is not something I take kindly to). I could see similar issues with sticking the dildo onto a wall, as the logistics of fucking in such a set up just seemed, well off. Most positions would be out, indeed, the only thing that seemed plausible would be to, well, back that azz up onto said wall mounted dildo.

I decided to give it a shot.

I happen to think that sex in the shower is one of the greatest things ever (or at least the greatest use of the shower), so I figured that if I was going to fall in love with the Pleasure No. 6 anywhere, it was going to be, yes, in the shower.

With the water running and the Pleasure No. 6 in hand, I encountered a problem I hadn't anticipated. How, exactly, was I supposed to know where on the wall to affix the dildo? How would I know what was the proper height at which to fuck myself?

I took a guess, I was way off. After a few more stabs in the dark, I realized something rather brilliant: rather than blindly attaching the dildo to the wall, and then attempting to fuck it, I could insert the dildo into my parts first, then proceed to attach it to the wall, uh, vaginally.

Once I had the dildo in place, I proceeded to, yes, back that azz up. And, well—look, I'm just going to say it point blank: I was wrong about suction cup dildos.

Being suctioned to a wall afforded the dildo a serious amount of resistance, which resulted in a seriously great fuck. I could thrust away with abandon—the dildo wasn't going anywhere. It was glorious. It was mind opening. It was life changing (well, sort of).

But there's no way I'm ever fucking a table.

· Buy the Ophoria Pleasure No. 6 (babeland.com)
· Ophoria Toys (ophoriatoys.com)