Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Earth Angel

In these trying times, we're all trying to be as green as we can—and the Earth Angel is betting that greening the bedroom is the next big step. But will a hand-cranked vibe really turn your crank?

The main pros to the Earth Angel are immediately obvious. It's made from recycled plastics and doesn't require batteries, so you can rest easy that you're not killing the planet while rubbing one out. It also requires nothing but your own elbow grease to get up and running—a nice bonus if you're ever in need of some, ahem, relaxation during a blackout.

On the con side: look, I can't lie to you, this thing is a bitch to power up. At four minutes of cranking per thirty minutes of vibing, it seems like a lot of work for minimal payoff (especially since—let's face it—many of us could easily get off in four minutes with just our hands, or even an equally earth-friendly dildo). True, it can also be charged with a 5-volt charger (not included); but doesn't that power drain take away from the Earth-friendly aspect?

And then, of course, there's the matter of how the vibe performs. As the picture indicates, the Earth Angel is basically a Slimline vibe with a crank on the end. It's hard plastic, and it's ultra straight: all of which adds up to the kind of vibe that just doesn't really work for me.

I love the idea of a toy that doesn't make me run to the bodega for batteries, and doesn't take hours to power up, but the Earth Angel needs a few more tweaks before it gains my seal of approval. Note to the manufacturers: throw in a little curve to the body, maybe soften it up a bit, and see what you can do about reducing the crank time. Once you've got that down, well, baby, we'll be in business.

· Buy the Earth Angel (babeland.com)