“Not The Cosbys XXX”: All That And A Jello Pudding Pop

"Not The Cosbys XXX" may just be our most hotly anticipated porn of 2009. Growing up in the eighties, "The Cosby Show" was a big deal—and we were also thrilled to see more black people in mainstream porn.

So it's with a heavy heart that we must admit that our biggest reaction to "Not The Cosbys" was, well, disappointment. It wasn't the central cast, or the quality of the sex scenes, or the plot, or Thomas Ward as Cliff Huxtable—no, all those things were quite stellar, actually. The thing that left us less than thrilled was actually a (seemingly) minor thing: there were just too many white people in the film.

Now, we're not naive, and we are familiar with porn's...interesting take on race; more to the point, we know that it was already a big deal for X-Play/Hustler to back a project with an all black headlining cast. But was it too much to ask for them to just run with that, and give us a predominantly black "Not The Cosbys"? Apparently so: of the six sex scenes, only one features black-on-black love (well, two if you count Misty Stone's masturbation scene).

But we should tell you more about the things we actually liked about the film.

As with his previous "sitcums," Will Ryder successfully recreates the feel of "The Cosby Show"—especially with the casting of Thomas Ward as Heathcliff Huxtable, clearly a role he was born to play (the man's a shoo-in for Best Non-Sex Performance at the 2010 AVN Awards). The plot, too, is reasonably Cosby-ish: Denise struggles with whether or not to lose her virginity to her boyfriend Malik, Cockroach and Theo sneak into a sexy slumber party, and the family takes a trip to Hillman (our fingers are crossed in the hopes that "Not The Cosbys 2" includes some "A Different World" crossover).

And then, of course, there's the sex: first up is the aforementioned Denise (Misty Stone) masturbation scene (clearly intended to relieve some of the stress of her virginity-related angst). Next we find ourselves following Denise and her boyfriend Malik (Dick James) to a co-ed sleepover, which naturally turns out to be an all out orgy. Uncomfortable with the pressure to perform, Denise leaves—and, of course, her boyfriend stays, and wild sex ensues.

And this is where the feature takes its first—and biggest—misstep. It's an unwritten rule of porn parodies that the more invented characters a porn parody relies on, the weaker it is; so to have the first major sex scene entirely populated with invented characters (and predominantly white ones, at that) is a big strike against the feature.

Thankfully, the rest of the scenes manage to include at least one Cosby character in the mix. Scene Three finds Theo (Tyler Knight) and Cockroach (Tee Real) heading back to the sleepover/orgy, where Theo gets it on with stripper Charmaine (Tori Black); Scene Four is a flashback to Claire's (Monica Foster) time at Hillman, with Danny Mountain as her college boyfriend; Scene Five pairs Vanessa (Melody Nakai) and Cockroach (Tee Real), for some much anticipated all black sex; and, capping it all off, Denise loses her virginity (on her parents' bed, no less!) to Patrick (Scott Lyons) in the very final scene.

In the same way that "The Cosby Show" helped white families across America welcome a middle class black family into their homes, we'd been hoping that "Not The Cosbys XXX" would help white porn consumers enjoy the pleasures of all black love. Alas, it seems we raised our hopes too high. But hey, a big studio feature with this many black performers is still nothing to sneeze at. Here's hoping it's the first step in a more colorful future of porn.

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