Pleasure Tops: Pleasure Or Pain?

I did not have high hopes for the Pleasure Tops vibrator, largely because as a cone shaped, flat bottomed, and, yes, pink sex toy, it bore a very strong resemblance to the most baffling vibrator of all time, The Cone. I'm not sure who it was that originally decided that what all women really want is to squat their way to orgasm on a pointy, plastic object--but, quite frankly, that is not my preferred method of getting off.

However, there were two things about the Pleasure Tops vibrator that piqued my interest: a soft, squishy exterior that looked like it would feel rather delightful, and a cute little prong for clitoral stimulation. And, unlike the Cone, it was narrow enough for penetration. So, despite my reservations about the whole squatting thing, I figured I'd give it a go.

Can we talk about the squatting thing again, though? Everything I've read about Pleasure Tops talks about lowering yourself onto the toy, pushing down onto it to increase vibration--language that suggests that one is squatting over, or at least sitting on top of, this toy. And let me tell you: I tried the squatting thing. I tried sitting on it. I tried a kneeling squat. Basically, I tried lowering myself in every way imaginable. And maybe I just lack flexibility (or strength in my thighs), but that whole "lowering" thing wasn't happening. The angle was completely off, and when I did achieve penetration, it was awkward and a bit painful.

Grimace and the Pleasure Tops: Separated at birth?

Frustrated and annoyed, I gave up on squatting and decided to try using the toy the old fashioned way: on my back, vibrator in hand. And that, friends, was a much better way to go about things. Freed from the acrobatic challenges of balancing myself above a tiny triangle, I was able to enjoy all the pleasures the Pleaure Tops had to offer: the dual motors (one in the base, and one in the prong); the soft, squishy, and phthalate-free TPR coating; the easy and intuitive controls (simply twist the base to turn the vibe on and up); and the wonderful sensation of graduated girth that only a cone can offer.

The Pleasure Tops offers up an interesting variation on the dual stimulation vibe, one that allows the user to vary the intensity of stimulation simply by moving the toy in or out. That, combined with the soft, squishy coating, makes for a really nice masturbatory experience. As long as you're not squatting. Seriously, I still just don't get the squatting thing.

· Buy the Pleasure Tops (babeland.com)