Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Curvy Lover Stroker

Fleshbot's pixel restrictions prevent me showing this device to you as it looked attached like a naughty koala to the better part of my person. But if you've ever imagined shrinking an enemy and then fucking it like some cultural exchange between certain native tribes and the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, then the Curvy Woman Stroker is for you!

When I removed this device from its packaging (in addition to an overstock porn DVD that I could have chosen to watch [and this is entirely another story but I remember a time when a single unit of porn material would last from freshman through senior year, so to discount the usefulness of a six-scene DVD that never dims the way the Phoebe Cates scene did on that rental VHS of "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"...]) I was at first reminded of Ron Perlman's misshapen monk character in "The Name of the Rose."

"Penitenziagite," I said.

Because the Curvy Woman Stroker does not really resemble a curvy woman in the porn sense, as you can see, but instead kind of looks like the zombie trunk of a pregnant woman or beer drinker, or pregnant beer drinker.

But all these mixed media messages, especially when beer is involved and nothing else on the horizon, might inspire the average consumer to say "Fuck it."

And that's where they've got you.

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)