Today In Bravery: “I Am Not A MILF”

I can imagine that, when it's the difference between a paycheck and no paycheck, a woman who has not actually borne children will concede to being called a MILF for the purposes of pornic exploitation. But Kara Nox in "Desperate MILFs & Housewives" courageously sets the record straight. "I'm not a MILF," she says. "I'm 31 and have never had children." Would that our leaders were as honest.

This cobbled-together series of scenes that debuted on the Internet provides several examples of the Capture And Release school of porn filmmaking, in which a crew pretends to search Porn Valley strip malls for likely women who are then cajoled into returning with said crew to a film studio under false pretenses. (It's not kidnaping and rape because James Deen is such a smooth talker.)

In the first scene Deen looks by comparison like an elder statesman next to emo kid Daniel, who actually answers his cell phone, dismounting a woman named Victoeria, during their scene. Kids these days.

It might be a revelation to the people who have just discovered this style of porn that each participant has signed a series of documents proving his or her age and identity before a camera is activated. But the acting is so compelling that even jaded reviewers like me can be drawn in. "Is this really happening?" we'll cry.

"Desperate MILFs & Housewives" features Holly Halston getting serviced in a van. Halston reminds me of an especially boobulous Cheryl Hines. She and her scene partner, Tony, were unable to curb their enthusiasm. In fact, he curbed all over her face.

The reason I picked this movie was the boxcover. Vanessa looks like Mary Louise Parker and, with Halston also on board, this movie is a great complement to that free weekend of Showtime and HBO we got last month at Fleshbot West.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Desperate MILFs & Housewives 5" (gamelink.com)