The fact that you're reading this post can only mean that the Large Hardon Hadron Collider in Switzerland did not find the Higgs Boson and create a black hole that sucked the universe out of existence this morning. So that's good! You can continue putting off all those things you said you wanted to do before you died, but will never quite get around to. Plus, you won't have to explain away all those bad deeds and impure actions to the Big Doorman upstairs (or his nerdy IT guy.) The only downside to the continued existence of this plane of reality is that you also won't get spend all of eternity getting freaky with Eva Angelina. So much for that Big Bang theory.
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· "Eva as dead cheerleader" (PornHub)