The Words “Perfect Picture” Fit Stoya So Well (No, We’re Not Crying)

Well, you had to have known it was coming. Yes, Digital Playground is releasing another Stoya movie today, from the collection of movies they've had since before she met Manson. Now, how are we supposed to feel?

It's like having the hottest girlfriend in the whole wide world break up with you, out of the blue, for no good reason, right in front of your friends, while you were proposing to her, and walk out. You go through all the stages of grief; denial, grief, bargaining, standing outside her hotel room window with a boombox in a trench coat and dark shades (we don't recommend that last one, actually)—but it's like nothing seems to reach her anymore and you can't figure out where things went wrong.

And then, after you've locked yourself in the house, isolated, talked with your friends, gotten real drunk, downed pills in a sorta fake suicide attempt, played it off as a bad joke, then put the pieces back together and started getting out there again—she shows back up, over and over again, looking amazing all over again...the girl that you fell in love with in the first place.

Yes, having Stoya refuse to make new movies is a lot like an 80's movie directed by the late John Hughes starring John Cusack. We love him, too.

Words like "breathtaking" or "stunning" or even "exquisite" work fine on most drop dead gorgeous women—but for our Stoya, we'd say "perfect" is a far better term. That's why we breathlessly awaited this release ,"Stoya Perfect Picture"—and that's why watching her work with Mick Blue and the affable Danny Mountain was bittersweet. We laughed, we cried, our hearts (and genitals) lept for joy—and then we came, over and over and over again. Damn you, Stoya! Can't you see what you're doing to us?! Come on!

She's not alone though. Adding insult to injury, and insuring our therapist will hear from us soon again, Digital Playground threw in Kelly Summer taking on Scott's nail, Madison Ivy getting drilled by Tommy Gunn, and Cassia Riley, who is amazingly beautiful even if we were slightly distracted.

"Stoya Perfect Picture" releases next week from Digital Playground. We miss you Shiny, but we wish you the best. We also wish you would call more often or at least keep your Twitter updated so we can properly stalk you. It's much harder than you think, okay, and we put crazy work into it. You're harder to unveil than Pierce Inverarity's real purpose, a photo of Thomas Pynchon, or the truth about silent Tristero's Empire.

Now the rest of you, lovingly comb through the remains of beautiful Stoya's pornographic career, courtesy of Digital Playground.

Stoya
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Danny Mountain
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Danny Mountain
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Danny Mountain
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Madison Ivy and Tommy Gunn
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Madison Ivy and Tommy Gunn
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Stoya and Mick Blue
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Kelly Summer
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Kelly Summer and Scott Nails
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Kelly Summer and Scott Nails
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)
Kelly Summer and Scott Nails
Images from "Stoya Perfect Picture" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)
Buy "Stoya Perfect Picture" (digitalplayground.com)