Private Dicks (And Pussies): “Criminal Sex Investigation”

November 7, 2009
LANK

Had enough of porn parodies? Not yet, Comrade. Imagine, if you will, an Eastern European porn adaptation of "CSI: Las Vegas" and you get the Private's porntastically unfathomable "Criminal Sex Investigation."

Criminal Sex Investigation

Studio: Private
Director: Antonio Adamo
Cast: Regina Moon, Viva Style, Alexa Bold, Carla Cox, Leah Lush, Denis Marti, Cristian David, Marco Nero, Mike Angelo

Review by: Gram Ponante

We have seen many of these beautiful (the women) and comically noirish (the guys) characters before in other Private movies, but what is fantastic about this outing (in addition to the hot Eurosex spawned by five weeks of vacation each year) is the stock footage of Vegas interpolated with both Eastern bloc interiors and performers, none of whom speaks English in a recognizable way.

You may say, "Oh, Grams, I'm not looking to have these performers anchor my high school speech and debate club; I just want to jack/jill off to them."

Well you do that.

We watch through flashbacks the last hours of a beautiful escort's life and follow a tough LVPD dick (Denis Marti) as he visits local haunts to solve her hot, fetishy Euro-murder.

Our detective is not above engaging in a double penetration to get the data he needs. Just so you know.

Nor is the movie afraid to tap into the 90's craze for techno treatments of Gregorian chants for background music, either.

While every death is a tragedy, "Criminal Sex Investigation" teaches us that the greatest purpose of life is to fuck a lot and leave a sexy corpse.

I'm going to get started right now!

· Private (private.com)
· Buy "Criminal Sex Investigation" (gamelink.com)